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whitenailpolish (profile) wrote,
on 8-12-2003 at 6:58pm
Current mood: gloomy
Music: Dashboard Confessional - Bend and Not Break
Subject: Another One Bites the Dust..
My mom bought the new Dashboard cd for me today. I'm glad it's finally here. I've been waiting foreverrr for it.

I was supposed to have orientation today (the 12th) but me and my mother misread the letter and it's on the 21st. Soo since I had gotten zero sleep last night, I slept all day.

I was thinking last night about how every single guy that has ever been in my life has up and left. Let's look:

- Joeseph (My biological Father) has not even tried to talk to me since I was 3 months old. But I mean who would want to. I can't blame him.

- Clayton ( my ex-step dad) has been like my real dad basicaly my whole life. I've known him since I was 2 yrs old. He's been real flakey though when it comes to being there for certain things in my life. He has missed all but maybe 1 of my birthday parties for his stupid softball games. He would ask me though before if he could play softball or did I want him at my party. That's not something you should have to ask. You should just know. And I would tell him that he could play softball. I would act like it didn't matter but it really hurt when he wouldn't show up. I would always hope that maybe he changed his mind at last minute. But he never did. He was always in and out of Jail. I remember one time when he was in jail when I was about 9. at this point, my mom and I had already moved in with my grandma. well I hadn't heard from him or seen him for a while, so I of course wanted to know where he was. I remember one time when my mom and I was at Lynne and Robert's house (he lived in their back-house) and my mom was talking to them about my dad and I walked up and she would just send me off to do stuff like get her a lighter and crap. I knew that something was up so when we got home I asked her and she tried to lie her way out of it again but she finally broke down and told me that he was in jail for driving drunk. We had seen him like 4 hours before he got arrested. We had to go give him gas for his car because he ran out. the thought of my dad being in jail killed me. I just broke down and started crying hysterically. I also found out that night that some of the times when my mom had said that the reason he didn't come home for those couple of nights he had been in jail. I also found out that he had been into drugs too. Just recently though he missed my graduation. I kind of wanted to see him there. But no call or anything. Then like a month later he calls and acts like everythings just fucking peachy. I didn't even bother to ask why he wasn't there. but I mean hey, there's still another one to come to right? .. if he's not too fucking drunk to come.

- Tim ( my first bf) had been my boyfriend for about 2 weeks in the 5th grade. I didn't even want to go out with him at first but Jamie insisted on asking him for me. once we were though I started liking him. then one day he had Adam come up and break up with me for him. I was crushed. I wanted to cry so badly but I kept it all inside because I didn't want to look like a whimp. when I got home I told my mom about what had happened and she let me cry on her shoulder. well at least I'm over that now.

- Alan made me fall in love ( or what I thought was love ) with him. He did all the kinds of drugs you could think of and got into so many fights and was in jail all the time. then one day he just stopped talking to me. I hated it so much. I cried, blah blah. Fuck you alan.

- Him. You told me you wouldn't hurt me. but again, just like all the other's you fucked with my emotions then just kicked me to the curb.

Fuck it. I should just become Celibate for the rest of my life and become a nun.

.. haha riight.
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