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_iggy_ (profile) wrote,
on 11-13-2003 at 7:54pm
Current mood: BLANK!!!!
Music: the other side - smile empty soul
well, i talked to my brother again today. he wants to move out here really bad but he says that he is afraid that it will hurt my dads feelings. i dont believe him though. i think that he is afriad that dad will get mad at him(and i dont see why he wouldnt wanna hurt dad anyways... i mean, how many times has Dad HURT us???). after i talked to my brother, i talked to my step mom. her and i havent talked for a long time because of one of the many problems that i have had with my dad. she asked if i really like it out here... i obviously said yes, but for the wrong reason. i told her that life was great even though i really dont know how life is. what is a great life? anyways, i got done talking to her and i started to talk to my brother again and he said that i had to talk to Dad. i said no and that if he put my dad on the phone that i would hang up. i really want nothing to do with my dad, i love him cuz hes Dad, but i hate everything he is. so i guess that he is gonna send me a letter. i swear to God that if he sends a letter about how he was right and that i should apologize, i am gonna kill him!!! when i fly out to michigan this winter i dont even plan on visiting him... i will hangout with my step mom and my brother but not if he is gonna be anywhere around me. anyways... i got off the phone and thats when the drama really started. my mom asked me why i personally wanted my bro to move back.... i told her that it was because i felt isolated from ppl my age. she was like "but you have a lot of friends. why dont you ever go to their house or have them come over here?". i said that i dont want to go anywhere or have anyone come over. she asked me why and i said that i dont wanna make REALLY good friends with anyone out here... She asked if i said that cuz i dont wanna betray my friendship with errca. i said "no, cuz errca told me to find someone to be able to tell everything to when i wasnt able to talk to her about stuff." my mom says that there is a reason why i am practically deciding not to make close/best friends with ppl. and i know what the reason is... its the same reason why i was afraid to go out with ryan... its the same reason why austen and i arent that great of friends anymore... the reason was created by my dad. and now that makes me hate him a little more. the Reason will never be healed... it'll continue to make be the way that i am towards other ppl. i guess that there is really nothing that i can do except for keep pretending.
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