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bunnyblood2 (profile) wrote,
on 11-20-2003 at 11:59pm
Current mood: discontent
Music: Marilyn Manson-Use Your Fist and Not Your Mouth
Subject: What is This?
I think there's something wrong with me. I don't exactly know why, though. I'm just not very happy. I haven't been for a while. Maybe I hide it too well. Who knows. Sometimes I wish I had a mind reading device so that I could read what Tom was thinking. I wouldn't know otherwise. Either he doesn't like to express his feelings all that often......or he doesn't have any at all. In either case it just confuses me.

I asked him today while he was sitting at his computer if I could have a hug and he said "why?". Like I need a fucking reason....because I love you maybe? I don't know. It made me really sad. Seems like the only time he ever holds me or kisses me more than once is when we're having sex. Because if I try to kiss him for more than a second or like twice he goes "ok, ok...." and turns away from me. I can only do that if it's a prelude for going into the bedroom..... which isn't that often.

Maybe it's just me. Maybe I want too much. Just a kiss or a hug for no reason at times would make me so happy. But I can't ask for it. Actually........I already did. I think the reaction was "why do you need it?". I just don't get it sometimes. Maybe I'm looking for that puppy-love kinda thing. But that seems so stupid...........Ach......I should stop thinking. I need to go to sleep.....maybe I'll dream about something happy. Oh, wait........I forgot.......I don't dream anymore.
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