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kailster (profile) wrote,
on 12-6-2003 at 10:19am
Current mood: calm
Music: sympathy - goo goo dolls
well the past week has been...crazy. that's prolly why i haven't posted at all this week. well monday through wednesday was fine. monday i had a great day cuz i got the job at the Y pretty much, and i got to see chris, and things were good! the week was going by fast until disaster hit on thursday morning.

i was driving in my car just going to school like always, playing "i love you" by martina mcbride and everything was good. i turned off of my street and then suddenly i woke up and there was smoke all over, my music was blarring in my ears, a horn was going off, and there were bright lights everywhere. i was clueless and scared. i tumbled out of the car gasping for air. i stumbled around for a min then looked up, and saw my car...i was in schock so i didn't know what to do. i was just scared to death. my front bumper was toasted, along with the grill of my car and my left headlight. the lady i hit was in a van and after like 2 min she moved to the side of the street. i was still choking on smoke, i called my mom and was screaming on the answering machine to pick it up. then i called my dad and he asked me if i was okay, where i was, and told me he was on his way. so the rest of the day went just wonderful. i cried the whole freakin day. constantly. my mom yelled and yelled, told me that she didn't want me to live in the house and that she wished she didn't worry about me at all for 17 years. i was so scared and upset. dad had to drive me around for like 2 hours before i could go to school cuz i was so upset. all i could think about though was chris. right before i hit her i saw the back of the van coming close fast, and when i blacked out and woke back up i thought i was in a nightmare. but all i could think about was chris. where he was, what he was doing, if i was going to see him before i died. god it was crazy. i just wanted him to hold me and everything would've been ok. i wouldn't have cared about my car, or my ticket, or my mom, or anything...i just wanted to be with him.
well all in all i got a 125 dollar ticket and a wakening from God. i think it changed me...not just the fact of being more careful and knowing that hey, it can happen to me...but just living life to the fullest and not bringing myself down with the little things. every moment, every second matters and if you live like it doesn't...that one moment could be your last and that's're gone...and it's all gone in an instant. so i guess it was a good thing i got in the accident, it woke m y ass up...but it's sad that it had to happen to make me realize things.

so that was the excitement for thursday, my mom and i are okay and she's still mad, but things are going okay. just have to get a car somehow.

friday (yesterday) was not too bad. me and tiff went to BAB for lunch and had a good time, she's helped me a lot with everything, been takin me home and everything so i really appreciate that. she knows that it's hard and she's been there for me through everything. when everyone found out that my mom was kickin me out, they were like oh you can stay with me, you can live with me...that was the first thing chris said when i told him that my mom kicked me out. whatta guy :-) well last night i worked and then went to chris' he came and picked me up from work. i just layed in his bed and we watched a movie. it made my week great just to get to see him. dj, aaron, and mitch 2wayed me last night. it was weird cuz i 2wayed aaron back and talked to him when i was in the car with chris...and it was kinda akward, but...i just played it cool. it was cool to talk to him and all. i got home and talked with allie on the 2way for a while. i told her about the whole thing with aaron and we both agreed that i should stick with chris, cuz aaron will always be just a crush and i know nothing is going to come out of why pass up my chances with chris. my horoscope the other day was "this will be your last chance with a certain person" and i flipped. i was like woah...but is it with aaron or chris? i'm assuming chris. cuz i always lose my chance with him somehow. i would much rather have aaron around as a good friend and someone to hang with, like ben and dj and bob, like those guys, then to have something happen, lose chris, and lose aaron's friendship when it's over. so i dunno...we'll just have to see. but anyways, i got home and talked to kane on the tway and she said that she wanted to apologize to chris cuz she can see how happy he makes me and doesn't want there to be a grudge between my best friend and the person i love. when she said that i was sooo happy, it meant a lot :-) it's weird how things got worse...but are getting better! things will be fine, i'm sure of's just gonna take some time. but it'll be fine.

well me and alliecat are goin to the cereal bowl relays today later on, to see chris swim :-) so that should be cool. then i'm going to babysit at lori's, start makin some money that i lost from my ticket! woo hoo! but...hopefully i get that job!! i really need it!! well i'm gonna go chill for a while...maybe work on some h/w or somethin...haha yeah right but i'm outta here for now
much love <3

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