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noonecanknow (profile) wrote,
on 1-11-2004 at 8:17pm
Subject: do you know how hard it is?
it hurts so bad that it chills me to my broken heart. do you know how hard it is? when your family asks how he is doing or what he is doing. do you know how hard it is? when you are trying to get a hold of him to tell him that you dont need a ride the next day and you cant so you ask him mom to tell him for you, and right when you hang up your sister says that he's probably at a girls house, the sadest and hardest thing about that is that it is most likely true. do you know how hard it is? when there is no room in your house you can go to that he hasn't been in. do you know how hard it is? to drive past a place where you first met. do you know how hard it is? when people call you, at your house and ask for him. do you know how hard it is? when people ask if you can send them pics of him (the person that asked for them was in the pic too) it kills me every fucking day. and you know what? theres one thing that hasn't changed, do you know how hard it is? knowing you still love him, knowing you are still in love with him. do you know how hard it is, that in about a month you will be going to place where the both of you got a so called "promise" ring. or at least it was at the time. IT IS REALLY HARD! it tears me up inside. when i first started falling for him, i told a friend that it was like i had butterflies in my stomach, now its like those butterflies have razor blades as wings. after all that pain i still love him and always will. i try to old my head up, choak back the tears, take a deep breath, and keep going. its kinda funny, when i think about with college i want to go to, the first thing in my mind is how far will i be away from him, or how easily could i get back. well thats my venting for now...
bye
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