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|caffeinatedjazz (profile) wrote, |
on 1-23-2004 at 2:10am
|caffienatidjazz (2:08:21 AM): i just remembered the feeling of summer. and spring. and lucy there and walking around town with ned on cough syrup and parker scat singing and the joy of having two people there who i really cared about and being in the good weather. i fucking miss that. and being warm all the time
i fucking remember all of that. i'm remember smells from spring break in florida. saying hi to dan after that game. the shitty food and the weird smelling halls.
i remember when there was me, lucy, ned, ross, parker, isaiah, mike pham, bari, nikol. not that i knew all of them that well but they were all there.
and now everythings so cold and fucked up.
when's the next girl gonna come along? when's the next outdoor all night romp around a campfire at kate's house?
i've wasted so much time this winter being angry, and frustrated, and sad and lonely.
it's not so convenient having friends there all the time anymore.
i dont know anyone anymore, and everyone is getting farther away.
i wish i didn't try to bridge them all, or hold on to them all. it'd make the process a whole lot easier.
people used to come to me. i'd get lucky. i'd been put in situations where i was forced to accept so many different people, then take in people who accepted me for my ... -ness. i dont know.
people dont come to me anymore. i'm not special. i'm just another dumbfuck teenager with issues.
i want to be happy. i dont want to deal with a lot of people. i dont want to have to see some random kid every day when i'd kill for one night with lucy ned and ross. or something.
i'm overwhelmed with memories. passionate. colorful.
i can smell everything.