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-glassxroses- (profile) wrote,
on 2-29-2004 at 2:46am
Current mood: caffeinated, and high on anxiety
I re-read a lot of my old entries tonight, because, frankly, im realizing that i like reading about my life... hearing about it, etc. i realized the gradual overall change in tone of my entries from light to heavy hearted over time. i became pretty jaded and less and less in touch with the person i am. i payed especially close attention to anything written by or about marcone. because he is back right now. but for me to contact him would be inappropriate according to the rules of break-up conduct? i did call him, and left him a message. i still love him. i still love him just as strongly as i did the first day i told him so. i still love him as much as i did the first time.. that we...first timed it... yeah, you know what i mean. i still love him as much as i did during our first kiss, which i do actually beleive was love at first sight. and it rips out several of my vital organs to think that he just stopped loving me as much as he said he did. he just stopped being in love with me, and i am still in love with him. he just completely let go, and i lack the capacity to do so. i love him, and i am scared that i always will. i have tried even to like other guys and i cant, because he is all that i think about. hes my heart, my dreams, my breath, my everything, and i cant have him because it ended. because we cant even hold up a conversation anymore. i just want to see him. just to look at him from afar like i did on thursday. i saw him walking with chris and something struck my chest and i couldnt breathe. i know that i cant live without him... i know i cant. and that is why i still have his pictures and his letter in my wallet.
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