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|miwako-chan (profile) wrote, |
on 3-7-2004 at 9:07pm
|Current mood: lonely
Music: Some downtempo jazz
|I tried his house again. He's at youth group. I want to talk to him... I need to. I really miss him. I am not dependent on him but I just want to hear his voice. I want to tell him something... I feel like I almost have enough guts to. I miss him. I haven't seen him since Fall. Two seasons have passed and I can still smell his cologne that lingers. I still see his warm smile and look into those big seafoam eyes. That time we almost kissed. Damn it I should have went for it. I sometimes feel like a coward... I wish he would tell me first, but knowing his fear of losing each other he has avoided it, worrying I would dump him and we wouldnt be friends anymore. I haven't talked to him in about 3 weeks. I have tried a few times but he hasn't been home for reasons (such as basketball, spending "quality time" with his dad, youth group). I wish his parents would run him so much... He is always tired because of it. He has lost some of his happiness, and gained a certain sense of maturity. I think that might be why we click so well. I am usually bubbly and cheerful and when we are together he reflects that happiness he doesn't always show to others. My friend and I were talking and she said, "I don't think anyone would pick their friend over a movie star when it came to love." I smiled at her and said, " I would..." She looked over at me and sighed, "Jess, you are a true romantic." I smiled and just looked down. I know how immature I am but I still dream of being a bride and having kids with him.