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amajules (profile) wrote,
on 3-9-2004 at 2:23pm
Current mood: crushed
Subject: break ups
okay yeah so anyways. me and randy broke up....other words for my "mood" are... devastated, depressed, alone, confused, worried, and so forth onto any other synonyms.

we broke up last night and hung up the phone around 12am, where then i proceeded to cry so hard and soooo much that i made my stomach convulse to much tp the pt where i threw up, and gave myself a migrane. i also didn't stop crying till 3am where as i cried myself to sleep, just b/c i was exhausted. i woke up this morning amd the first thing i see is the dolhpin chimes on my ceiling that he gave me, i roll over and find myself staring right into the face of the plush Nemo he bought me from Disney world.....i turn over to the other side and our prom pic is right there.....and then i sat up in bed and just picked up where i left off when i went to sleep, yes, i cried somemore.....

food for thought.....where does snot come from.......?

Julie i miss him so much, i never Ever thought it would hurt this much, i never realized how much i love him....i want him back, and i can't help it, i miss him already....then today i'm gunna see him @ practice and i know he's gunna ask me for his class ring back....the whole ride to school i drove w/ my left elbow on the window w/ my ring finger in his ring around my neck. i've been saying "just breathe" to myself allllll day to keep me from really losing it.

after all this ur prolly screamin @ me to tell u why we broke up. it's simple;

right people, wrong time.

just really think about it.
w/ him in band all summer, we'll barely see each other. and all we do now is fight about not having enough time to hang out.
i just pray i haven't lost him for good, b/c if i did i will never forgive myself. i can't believe i even agreed to do this in the first place.
this is all my fault, if i had just let him do what he want in band and not given him sucha hard time about it we'd be fine. this is all my fault......i hate myself. i hate that i didn't trust him enough, i hate that i hurt him, i hate that i tried to be selfish........i hate that i lost the best thing in the world that will ever happen to me.
i'm gunna go, b/c the more i'm typing the more people are staring @ me and i'm in the rary.....look babe, please don't call, cuz i don't want to talk about it. just w/b. i love you....i need you and ur trusty shoulder more than ever now.
luv you
~*Amanda*~


P.S. I will always love him. always.
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