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toofasttolivetooyoungtodie (profile) wrote,
on 3-16-2004 at 1:28pm
Current mood: thinking
There's something that I hear entirely too often from people; the phrase, "I wish that'd never happened." Hell, I've said this myself on more than one occasion. You wish you hadn't said this or done that or went there, or met so-and-so. That you hadn't acted a certain way, that you wish you could erase an entire portion of your life, and that simple fact would change who you are today. A simple decision to go to a certain place, or say "hi" to a certain person altered your life with such magnitude that to not have done it would've sparked a thousand alternate realities. Some daily events that we think nothing of at the time can be such catalysts for our futures, such important things. At the time we don't even render it a cosideration, but little do we know that that person or place is what will make us us tomorrow.

So, in light of knowing that the person you bump into in the produce section could be your soulmate, or that going to the mall today could be the thing that determines your life's course makes me wonder why you'd ever want to change anything about your past. Whatever has happened to you, for good or for evil, obviously contained some sort of purpose, and in culmination, these events have put you where you are today. They have made you into yourself.

Bad things happen, people will leave you; infact, everyone leaves in the end. But what is an ending anyway? Why focus so much on where you think you're going? Why not focus more on where you are?
Whilst everyone has goals, and some sort of provincial outline they've dubbed their "Five Year Plan", why should five years matter so much? You're not living five years from're living in this moment, this day, and this second. If you focus all your energy on the future, you'll have completely missed the present. I'd hate to look back on my life and see only outlines, only endings and beginnings. Just sketchy and hollow pictures of what could have been something full and happy. Some people say the only part of a story that matters is the ending, but I say the middle in the most important and influencial. In retrospect, don't look back on your life and see only beautiful or tragic endings. A story, your story isn't defined by the beginnings and endings of it, it's defined by the what you did with the time you had. Whether said event ended in death or bliss, there's something more important than the way in all turned out.

If whomever reading this is still with me, then I suppose my entire point is that compared to eternity, our lives are pathetically short. Too short to harbor regrets or resentments for things that you can't even remember why they started. In fact, in probably doesn't even matter anymore, whatever is was has most likely come and gone a thousand times. Things are never as catashrophic or as important as you make them, and hindsight is always 20/20. There's going to be things you wished you done differently, another path you think you should've chosen that would've ended you up in a different place. But who knows? People get out of things what they put in and something you thought was wrong or bad might just turn out to be amazing in the end. =D
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