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emo414 (profile) wrote,
on 3-23-2004 at 9:27pm
Current mood: crushed
Music: The Goo Goo Dolls - It's Over
Subject: The Big A
i sit in silence when i am around you, not because i dont have anything to say, but because i dont want to say what i feel in fear of what you will say in response. somehow with every word u say it makes me want to hold on just a little bit longer and just hold on to the memories for the hope that we sill somehow and someday have eachother again. there are so many things that i will never say to you so i figured that i will say a few of them here. i still have an amazing amount of feelings for you and for some reason i tell people i dont, i tell them that i cant stand you, when sometimes that is true, but most of the time i just want to run up to you and hold you in my arms and never let go. then there is the thing with you and the current boyfriend. sometimes i want to scream at you but yet i am so happy that u have eachother because i can tell you make eachother really happy. but when i think about your happiness i think about how i could have had the same thing and it ruins the whole thing. i want to be with you so much and yet i know i cant because it isnt my place to be anymore. then there is you leaving for good that is constantly running through my mind. i want so badly just to be with you one last time before you move, before you leave, and before i possibly never get to see you again. i want to fall asleep with you under the stars and i want to kiss you one more time and i want to just be with you one more time. even though i know it wont happen, its ok because i will always have my memories of us whether they are good or bad. also no matter what happens, no matter how much time passes, or whom i meet, i will always miss you. i have always missed you from the first day we left eachother's side. no matter what i will never be able to forget you and hopefully you will never forget me. its like this huge chapter in my life is going to end at the end of the school year, but the thing is, i dont want it to end. i want to keep making memories with you. i want it to still be u and me, us. but no matter what i dont think "us" has another chance and i guess thats the way things were meant to be. i actually hope that you are right, i hope that i will not painfully miss you for the rest of my life and i hope that i wont go through my life regreting everything that happened because it didnt end with me and you together. i will always love you and i will never let go. bye... forever.
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