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lizster540 (profile) wrote,
on 4-13-2004 at 7:55pm
Current mood: no comment
Music: The Elms- Hey, Hey
Subject: Only Jesus understands me...
Uhg. It is not right for me to be crying like I have been. Well I guess it all started with my dad saying something to me over the phone and me replying "I don't know" in, I guess, a monotone voice, then him saying "Put your mother on the phone I dont even want to fucking talk to you!!!!!!!". Ok, First of all...I HATE when my parents cuss at me...and here I go crying once again...anyways. Then my mom tells me to go to bed at like 5:30 and that she was making me an appointment to see a shrink. What in the fuck? I didnt even do anything...and all of a sudden im a depressed kid???? well this isnt the first time this has happened, if you were wondering. But i sat in my room and cried uncontrolably for like half an hour then my mom came and, and was all aplogizing. Then she told me to talk to her, so I let it out. And when she cut me off i was like "Let me talk! because obviously you and dad do not understand me because you never listen to me!" so she let me have a word. And im really glad I have such a great mom, but honestly it really hurts me to know they think im some freak. And knowing that the thought of me needing a shrink went through her mind for some time, is sickening. And I honestly wish Dad would just dissapear into thin air. He is the reason i am the way i am!!! its his fucking genes. And obviously he is TOO fucking blind to see it. All he cares and thinks about is himself and how "perfect" he thinks he is! Its disgusting. I really hate him. Its like im fighting the world...them against Me. What is so wrong with me...please someone tell me the truth. I always just thought teenagers were supposed to be like this. And i thought that my parents would be proud of who I am. But all my dad can seem to do is judge me and down me, and im fed up with it. And its not like i can do anything...And all i can do is cry...cry...cry. And crying is a great way to deal with things, but not as much as i am. I've been crying since 5:30. And i cant stop. Even though me and my mom are good. Its just....uhg i cant explain. Im feeling so bad and sick and messed up. I feel like a fucked up screwed up kid. And i hate it!! this isnt me!! I Love my life. I love my friends. But i honestly dont understand why when i get home my attitude plunges. I love my mom to pieces, but my sister and dad are 2 different stories. anyways...im gonna go cry some more since i cant seem to stop....Bye.
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