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MizzPunkRockPrincess (profile) wrote,
on 4-20-2004 at 5:52pm
Current mood: restless
Music: N.E.R.D-"She wants to move"
Subject: Beer is Good =)
Official PDC Beer Troubleshooting Guide


SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet
FAULT: Beer being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Take a swim in ocean.

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Beer empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself lashed to bar.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains sand/cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or beer applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.
FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him.

SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they have free beer.

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: The beer is too weak.
ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.

SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.
FAULT: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar.

Tried and true guidlines. Utilize for happy/safe vacationing! Have Fun

Lol. This was something Jack found and read it to me. So I sent it to all my friends(which consists of no one!) YA-AY! Nah... Daniel, I think, likes me again. We were sitting there at lunch and I go, "I want a drink!" but I didn't want him to be grossed out by my mouth being on it, so I was acting all weird and Luecky started making fun of me for it. So Daniel goes, "It doesn't matter anyways, cause it's not like we haven't made out before!" and I was like "Yeah... I guess!" Then I took a tic tac out of my mouth and put it in his. It was so funny. Cause Court put it in my mouth from hers..

I swear, everyone thinks I'm a bisexual or a lesbian. Well, I have a boyfriend, so it's not like I don't like guys.. =). Speaking of boyfriends, Aaron had a dream that I got on his back and his legs colapsed under him.. I was like "That is so mean!".... So it's like... Damn... I feel so loved...

Amanda Martin started spreading rumors that I have been doing stuff with Luecky...yeah right, he's prude, so I'm like "Nu-uH....that's OK... I'll go on and be non-prude over here...". Anyways, gtg...

-Jordan-
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