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|BR0KENxSTAR (profile) wrote, |
on 5-6-2004 at 8:29pm
|Current mood: happyish
Music: the radio || KROQ 106.7
Subject: It hurts to breathe, imagine how it hurts to laugh
|Eee, yes last night was a very good night. I went to my dads house as usual and i was on the computer and then Jake called me. This isn't really this good part but anyways. I've realized by our conversation that Jake and i have a lot in common. He told me something he's never told anyone else. He has serious depression, but he hides it well. Thats why hes always hyper, doing crazy stuff and why most people find him annoying. Me, not one of them. I love Jake he's awesome. Anyways, he told me something else that very few people know and it kind of scared me. He was going to kill himself a while back. When Kalie broke up with him, is when things started getting bad. I wanted to tell him about my depression, ecetera. Maybe next time we talk i will. It'll be nice to have someone to relate to who really knows what im going through. Then we were talking about who lives near me and he asked exactly where i lived. lol so i told him and he goes "I coming over, ill be there in like 20 minutes." lol i was like "Okay." So yea he came over and we just sat on my porch and talked. It was cool, i haven't talked to him in a while.
And here's the good part. ARMANDO. CALLED. ME. lol yippeeeeeee! haha it was one of those things, where my phone rang, i saw it was a blocked number and i knew it was him. We talked for like an hour and 20 minutes. It was like old times. It felt so good to laugh with him again, yet the whole time all i wanted to do was spill my heart out and tell him everything i feel towards him. But i didn't, i dont know where to start. Maybe next time i talk to him ill tell him i miss him. Yes, maybe ill start there, with something simple. My cheeks hurt when i got off the phone because i was smiling the whole time. :D It felt so good to finally talk to him again. Ya know? XD he said hes scared of me because everytime i look at him i give him dirty looks. haha No buddy, those aren't dirty looks. lol. I sorta roped him into teaching me how to bend the ball for a corner kick. So hopefully that'll happen soon. Today, i was in a good mood. I saw Armando at snack and he was looking at me and i looked at him and smiled and did my little look at him out of the corner of my eye. He used to hate that, even though i know he'd miss it if i never did it. lol im talking to him right now! I have butterflies, its so weird. :breathes: I was talking to Bry before 2nd and he goes i have good news. And i was like "What!?!" because when he tells me he has good news its usually about armando. So he goes "He wants to go back out with you." lol i was blushing like no other, and believe me its not easy to make me blush. :D Anyways enough about my non-existant love life. @.@
I think im gonna bring my cleats tomorow and play soccer after school. Armando said hes gonna stay and shoot around so i think i will too. Woo yeah. lol heres our convo
me: ya know who this is?
armando: the girl with the sex hair
me: yep thats me
armando: how are you doing?
armando: pretty good also
me: well thats good
armando: i know thanks
armando: sorry i didn't talk to you today
armando: it's just that i got to get use to it
me: oh its alright
armando: but at least you didn't give me those dirty looks that you use to give me
me: lol those weren't dirty looks
armando: then what were they?
me: haha iono
armando: looking pretty cute today girl!
armando: i think so!
me: lol shpanks, you weren't looking too bad yourself
me: of course you never look bad lol
armando: oh maan!
armando: you're a good liar!
me: haha except im not lying
armando: guess what
armando: i shaved my head after school
me: no you didn't
armando: oh yes i did!
me: omg seriously?
armando: no j/k
me: lol told you
me: ya'd still look dead smexy anyways
armando: stop lying
me: oh im not
armando: so you didn't stay after school today with melissa?
me: she stayed?
armando: oh yea
me: lol i didn't know that
armando: you should stay tomorrow
me: alright maybe i will
armando: i think i'll stay and shoot around
me: alrighty ill bring my stuff then
armando: do you like how or field is gettting fixed?
me: yep its pretty cool
armando: mr. perry is gonna try to keep football off the field so that it could be nice and green for soccer season
me: yeah, because they always tear it up
me: ...stupid footbal
armando: heck yea maan
armando: i'll talk to you later
armando: cuz i gotta go
armando: you want me to call you
armando: ok then
armando: take care
me: k you too
armando: alright bye
[insert his sn here] signed off at 5:50:56 PM.
lol. :DDD. I should have told him that those looks weren't meant to be dirty looks. They were actually, 'Im in love with you, but you broke my heart, i can forgive you and give you a second chance, so get over here, apologize and fucking kiss me' looks. Yes, i believe thats what they were. XD Well, i have no practice tonight so i think im gonna go get this stupid book for school and then come home, eat dinner, and wait for Mr. Armando's call. :D
What does it mean to me to live...nothing.
I cant get over this feeling like i mean nothing.
I am nothing.
I wish i was something.
I wish i was beautiful like you...
But im not, im beautiful like me.
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