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|VampiressHollyMarie (profile) wrote, |
on 5-10-2004 at 11:00pm
|Current mood: Distant
Subject: My friends
|I miss my friends.. I aint gona bitch or anything.. but its like none of them wanna be around me anymore... I basically have to beat a conversation out of the ones I do get to talk to and even then its only for about 5 minutes and 4.9 of that they're ignoring me...
Am I a bad friend or something?
Did I do something to piss them off?
I'm not really that different from last year...
Maybe its them thats changed...
I miss them and I wish I had someone to talk to but I dont because even Brandi doesnt call anymore and everytime I do call her she cant talk.. doesnt talk.. or isnt home.
I miss the security of having someone I can confide in.
I dont even know myself anymore because how much I have changed without changing...
I just... wish I still had Kelly, Brandi, Amanda, Shayna, and Melissa.
I really dont have anyone anymore.
I really really miss last year...
Its not that I wont go out of the house... its that I have no reason, if someone were to call I would hang with them in a second...
but that maybe why I have no one... because maybe I'm the type of friend that is only a friend when you need her.
I can settle for that I guess, wait what am I saying? I have to settle for that..
I really hate walking up to my friends and listening to them talk because I have no idea... and then if and when I do talk they have no idea.. so its like a really big "huh?" fest and I end up standing by Trisha and Nikki.
I just really wish we hadn't drifted so far apart.
Last year I would do anything for my friends... anything. And I still would.. but they dont come to me anymore when they need something because I'm never around. I thought that I would be the only one standing.. but I guess I was the first to fall when the second semester started.
I hate it that we all fell apart... hate it... thinking about last year and now this year.. I bawl my eyes out just because I'm thinking about what I lost. What I never got to say because I was way to insecure.
I just.. wish it was all over.