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VampiressHollyMarie (profile) wrote,
on 5-10-2004 at 11:00pm
Current mood: Distant
Music: ..
Subject: My friends
I miss my friends.. I aint gona bitch or anything.. but its like none of them wanna be around me anymore... I basically have to beat a conversation out of the ones I do get to talk to and even then its only for about 5 minutes and 4.9 of that they're ignoring me...

Am I a bad friend or something?
Did I do something to piss them off?
I'm not really that different from last year...
Maybe its them thats changed...
I miss them and I wish I had someone to talk to but I dont because even Brandi doesnt call anymore and everytime I do call her she cant talk.. doesnt talk.. or isnt home.

I miss the security of having someone I can confide in.

I dont even know myself anymore because how much I have changed without changing...

I just... wish I still had Kelly, Brandi, Amanda, Shayna, and Melissa.

I really dont have anyone anymore.

I really really miss last year...

Its not that I wont go out of the house... its that I have no reason, if someone were to call I would hang with them in a second...

but that maybe why I have no one... because maybe I'm the type of friend that is only a friend when you need her.

I can settle for that I guess, wait what am I saying? I have to settle for that..

I really hate walking up to my friends and listening to them talk because I have no idea... and then if and when I do talk they have no idea.. so its like a really big "huh?" fest and I end up standing by Trisha and Nikki.

I just really wish we hadn't drifted so far apart.

Last year I would do anything for my friends... anything. And I still would.. but they dont come to me anymore when they need something because I'm never around. I thought that I would be the only one standing.. but I guess I was the first to fall when the second semester started.

I hate it that we all fell apart... hate it... thinking about last year and now this year.. I bawl my eyes out just because I'm thinking about what I lost. What I never got to say because I was way to insecure.

I just.. wish it was all over.

I'm out,

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