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|hiphulagirl (profile) wrote, |
on 5-28-2004 at 10:35am
|Just to forwarn everyone who reads this... I'm about to go on a whiny boy schpeal. I don't do it often, but for those of you who dislike whiny schpeals go on your merry way.
Sheldon called AGAIN. I think he might've sorta asked me on a date. Now... I seem to be hanging on to the good times we had before I went to Spain. My mind wants to skip all the sour stuff after that. It's hard to talk to him on the phone and not be able to say "I love you" before I hang up... and now he wants to hang out? I'll not be able to hug him without kissing him and all that. But that doesn't mean that I want to date him again. I honestly thought i'd be ok and just forget how I felt if he never called, but now that idea's out the window.
I'm a smart girl. I know the reasons I love him... but I also know all the reasons that I can't stand and all the reasons that would probably fuck it up again if we ever got back together.
There's that way he's always thinking i'm mad at him, or being mean to him whenever I tell the truth. The way he doesn't believe in God. How he always gets angry and hurts himself, or how sometimes acts like he's in highschool. He smokes, I don't think he'll ever quit. He always needs me so much, and he just wants to settle down.
I'm sure I could go on and on. It's not written anywhere that I can't have all the fun and good things that I had with him, with someone else... Chances are my mind is just going to hold on to those memories until I find that someone else, or get back together with him... or simply find enough peace that I don't need to dwell on those memories anymore. That would be ideal. I know though that all those reasons ^up there, bug me then, still bug me, and would continue to bug me if we were together again. Everything would just take the same inevitable route, unless he's changed or i've changed.
I want someone that's pretty smart, makes me laugh, and someone that i'll never have a boring time with. I need someone that'll value what I want to do with my life and not force me to settle into something that will make me unhappy just so that I can be with them. I don't want a conditional love, I want to have a lot of fun and enjoy simply BEING in love. I want someone who thinks i'm beautiful, and I want to enjoy my life.