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drowning-in-you (profile) wrote,
on 6-7-2004 at 3:10pm
Music: julian's guitar
Subject: i'm gonna miss HHS
i've had a bunch of mixed emotions for a while now...i'm going through a rough time i believe because i've only got 3 more days of high school...i'm gonna leave what i've been so close to...i feel like i'm gonna be lost without it...

we went to grad nite thursday...that was kinda coo...it could have been better but i guess it's alrighty...can't change the past...though i know we'd all love to sometime in our lives...but seriously i had fun...i was just way too tired...& i'll never want to listen to the same 5 damn songs that one of dj's were playing...*oi*...

friday i went over to joey's, ran a few errands, found out my truck can go 100mph (believe me, i though the speed governer would kick in at bout 85, so i feel honored), & then went to the band party at the navy base where we bowled...i felt threatened because joey's mom was there & i wasn't sure if she was mad at me for hanging out w/ danny that night...but i'm guessing she wasn't after all...i dunno...so after that the seniors took pictures & we finally realized that that night was our last friday night as high school seniors...that was the first time (in a long time i think) that i saw mark cry...first time i saw jpo emotional...first time i've noticed justin be a true friend & let his feelings out & to know that i'm not the only one who is scared to leave...it was really emotional for everyone...*sigh*...that night joey & i just sat on my truck bed & just kinda talked...it was coo...

saturday i had to go to el cajon to take my placement test for college...it was freaking cold...but then again i'm used to temperatures from 90-110 degrees almost everyday (even in the winter)...i wanted to cry cuz it was so cold...i get cold when it hits 80 sometimes...& trust me it was colder than that...lol...my dad totally thinks i'm weak...lol...oh well...my testing went alrighty, they think i'm a wizz in english & need pre-algebra in math...*oi*...so yeah...i met one of my music professors & he seems like a neat dude...i realized that it's such a small school that they actually have enough time to talk to all of their students...(class size is bout 15 per class)...so yeah it was really neat to know what i'm getting myself into...that's awersome...

sunday was the baccalaureate...it was kinda nerve wrecking but we made it through...afterwards we tried to get all the band seniors to go to dudley's, but of course some people have to be lazy, dumb, & immature bout other things...so it was justin, joey, mark, denisse, mario, jpo, guillermo, and me...we had fun...

today is monday...i graduate thrusday...god it's happening so quickly...i wish i could stay...keep me here...lock me up so i can never have to leave...i just found out that tomorrow is the last day for seniors...shit...you have no idea how much i want to cry right now...i'm gonna miss all my friends...all my enemies...all my teachers...all my surroundings...*sigh*...i don't care what anyone thinks of me right now...i'm losing my comfort space & i want to cry forever about it...i understand that i'll have fun in el cajon & maybe i'll want to stay there, but being in a town like this...i never want to leave...i'm scared...i have no one's hand to hold on this one..."& it's all downhill from here"...sorry i was listening to new found glory today during 4th period...i'm gonna miss everything here...I'M GONNA MISS YOU HOLTVILLE HIGH!!!...

i have seen so many changes here...through ppl, buildings, styles...i've encountered many emotions...i've been through these 4 years here never realizing how good i had it, until now...realizing that i won't have my family & friends to go to when i'm in need...well i can, but not like i can now...i look out the window of my spanish class & realize this is it...THIS IS IT WORLD, I'M GONNA COME TO RULE!!!...but i don't want to be a ruler...i don't want to be a follower...i just want to be the same ol becky alaniz...living in holtville...MY NAME IS BECKY & I LOVE MY TOWN...& I'M NEVER LEAVING...*sigh* i so wish i could stay...i just saw the ag ppl putting out the platforms for graduation...STOP IT!!! PUT THEM DOWN DAMNIT...NO ONE IS LEAVING HERE!!!*whimpers*

i'm gonna miss the many hangouts i had in the school...my band room...my parking space...my classrooms...damn i'm running out of time...god i'm gonna miss everything so much...

i was thinking a few minutes ago that though it may happen, i don't want to leave w/ ppl on bad terms...so to say it right now:

YOU ARE ALL MY EVERYTHING...EVERYONE WHO HAS KNOWN ME, BEEN FRIENDS WITH ME...EVEN JUST NOTICED ME...YOU ALL MEAN SOMETHING TO ME & NEVER FORGET THAT...SURE I CAN GET MAD & SAY I HATE YOU, BUT KNOW THAT YOU'LL ALWAYS BE ON MY MIND IN COLLEGE & I COULD NEVER FORGET ANY ONE OF YOU...

...*silently cries*...

i'm gonna miss HHS...talk later...


"take my hand, LIVE WHILE YOU CAN!" - vanessa carlton's ordinary day

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