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kittyneko (profile) wrote,
on 6-8-2004 at 7:08pm
Current mood: sad
Music: Billy Idol: Sleeping with an Angel
Subject: Warning, hopeless romantic ahead...
Ok, I dont know why I do this to myself. Since I am a horrible bump on a log sitting alone in my room I find myself doing a lot of reading. I got myself all depressed again. All these stories that I am reading, in books and even on the internet, all have these wonderful romantic plots where the love birds always end happy. I find myself dreaming, wishing, that I could have that one day. But who am I kidding, is there any guy out there that is THAT romantic? I havent met him yet.

I want someone to tell me that they love me. I want to hear that I am beautiful. That someone wants to make ME happy. What would I give to find someone to fill this void inside of me. But its hopeless. I am not a damsel in a novel waiting for her knight in shining armor. I am just little old Michlle, and old maid at 18. I keep thinking that maybe someone is waiting to meet me, someone that was meant just for me. Maybe someday our paths will cross, that our eyes will meet and we'll know. I so desperately want to believe in love and that there is someone out there for everyone. Soul mates. What a pretty thought. I find it harder to believe in that each passing day. I hope things change when I go to college. Maybe I will meet mister right in college. Maybe he will be waiting for me at Preview next week. Or maybe I'll have to wait a year and that special guy will transfer to UF, just like his brother said. Maybe he will come find me after all.

I dont know. I keep thinking I am too young to be having these desires. For wanting someone to be with. I mean I am only 18. But then I think how my mom was only 19 when she got married. I havent even had a boyfriend yet. I am scared that I am going to miss out. What if the time passes and I truly am left alone. I hate not knowing what is going to happen. I cant stand not knowing what is going to happen to me. What am I going to do? What will I do with myself you may ask? Well, I guess I will continue to read these horribly romantic books and keep hoping that one day MY prince charming will show up. I want the impossible. I want to live a fairy tale. But I know fairy tales dont happen for me. There is no happy ending for me....
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