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|mystery (profile) wrote, |
on 1-20-2003 at 4:01pm
|Subject: "when i grow up..."
|i'm supposed to be writing an essay about my educational goals and why they are important and yadda yadda yadda. this is necessary, because i need those scholarship dollars so my father won't have a heart attack because of having to shrink his oversized savings account past his "comfort level". but i don't have any idea what to write.
i don't know where i'm going or why i'm learning all this stuff. i enjoy learning. isn't that enough? i don't want to become a productive member of society. investing in me is not a good investment.
i want to do so much but none of it involves being "successfull".
i've been thinking lately about the Hainish historians. (yes, everything always comes back to an ursula leguin book). "historians do not study history." i wish i had a copy of the book so i could quote from it accurately. the whole part about history is a great river and no mind could ever encompass all of it. one could pick and choose, of course, but each fragment is such an insignifigant detail compared to the whole. so watch the river as it's flowing right now, see how it turns, how the water sparkles, not trying to freeze the moment, any moment, but appreciating it as it slips by. observing. "who is looking at the universe?" maybe changing small things in small ways for small people who need a hand somewhere. as the lupin lady would say, "do something to make the world more beautiful".