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|spinoangel (profile) wrote, |
on 6-30-2004 at 6:42pm
|Current mood: curious
Music: where you are...
Subject: these are my confessions.
|wow, havent posted in so long.
summer school is like almost over. sort of bitter sweet. this friday i have to clean the house majorly for anne (my moms best friend)+ her family are staying at our house. friday night is steph wu's birthday dinner party. still have to get a card/present.
but anyways. what was i getting to... i think the purpose to this entry in my woohu to get out the way i feel lately. only like in the past few days. i haven't gotten an email reply from altan since last friday, and feels like forever since then. i take naps after school very often so i dont just sit there and start thinking about how empty i feel right now. without any of his words, the love slowly fades. yeah thats not supposed to happen. thoughts dont hold up much lately though. especially when i'm surrounded by such sweet boys in school. i swear, i have mini crushes on every guy friend i have. like... is that wrong? its definitely wrong. definitely definitely wrong. i dont like leading on people, but it seems like it just happens naturally. i dont know. i need therapy.
i was reading the notebook last night before i went to bed and i read until they finally gave in to each other and made love again. then i set down the book, turned off the light and cried one tear before i fell asleep. i always go to bed hoping that in the dream world, something i want to happen will happen. but nothing really exciting happens. i just remember one dream, it was the first day of junior year. and altan was in the class but i wasnt aware. and then he walks up to me and hands me this long (like 2 pages) note and he just holds my hand. weird thing was, it wasnt altan, it was some kid i knew from middle school. very weird. but ... i dunno.
i dont know anything.
someone please hug me and never let go.
dammit where the hell is danielle when i need her. oh yeah. nc. frickin family and frickin vacation. i need her HERE.
BiGmAc daDdy y13: u know what i have noticed about u
BiGmAc daDdy y13: u have three guys wraped around ur fingers and u have no idea what to do about it
BiGmAc daDdy y13: its great
excerpt from altan's most recent email.
i miss you a lot. today he took me to a cafe on top of this mountain that over looked the city. it was beautiful. i wish you could be here with me. i wanted to hold you and watch the sun set with you. i miss you terribly. i love you so much, i think of you day and night.