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JustAnotherFace (profile) wrote,
on 6-30-2004 at 10:44pm
Current mood: worried
Hey everyone guess what I'm a horrible person...wait till you hear why. My baby right is all pissed at me because I huffed a week ago and I thought that he had gotten over it...I had already promised my grams and him that I wouldn't do it ever again right. I had done it before and told him and shit and I said that I wouldn't do it again after that. But I was pissed at my friends and all this shit was going through my head I was just tired of it all and I know that its horrible but I went and huffed again right. Well I come home smelling like spray paint so whatever I told my grandmother and Right way I was like I won't do it anymore I don't really like the way I feel afterwards. Right, so my grams was the one that said two days after I told her about me huffing that she would buy me weed and get me a pipe *and hes pissed because I want a pink one* first of all....do I have anything yet??? And you think that if I wanted it that bad I couldn't get it myself??? So I'm a horrible person for excepting her offer....two days after I told her about it...and its not like she hasn't done it before. I have gotten high with her before and then I'm using her now. All because she made an offer. Its not like its going to be a fuckin everyday thing or even and every month thing. But I'm an asshole for not wanting to be called a horrible person and not wanting to hear how the person that I am in love with has no faith in me what so ever. Or how I screw everything up or how I'm not going to stop and that I'm a fuck up baisically. So I kept hanging up because I was fuckin tired of hearing this shit. My grams was actually the one who told me to hang up after he called me a horrible person. She was the one saying that she offered and that if he smokes why can't I and all this shit. Sure I've told him not to smoke...but do I expect him to listen...NO....I have also told him that I don't care what he does with his friends I'm just not going to get high with him. *it makes your sperm less defiecnt* lol silly reason I know. I'm just sitting here like I know I fucked up and I know that I don't want to do it again...and shit like that ya know. But its like he didn't hear any of that all he wanted to do was explain how I'm a fuck up. Then I got so pissed that I told him that I wasn't sure if I wanted to talk to him anymore. Ya know I'm mad....I get told that I fuck everything by alot of people...I get told that I'm a horrible person by alot of people...I get called an asshole by alot of people...ya know its like, I know that I don't need that. I know that I deserve some one who believes in me even if I fuck up a couple times. I think that everybody deserves that. People mess up ya know, but to freak and call the person horrible and an asshole and to have no faith what so ever. I mean I fucked up with this and cutting my self right...but other than that what have I failed anyone in...if you know please tell me...I'm not saying little things that everyone messes up but things that matter. Its sad ya know and its those things that make me wonder. I have been put down by enough guys and then he has to go and say along the lines of the same thing that they have said and what they did. When he said that he never would. I have messed up woo...I said I wouldn't I did it again. Not like it was several times. It was once. Then when I said that I wasn't sure if I wanted to talk to him again, he didn't fight. I was just like what the fuck...you said that you would fight that you wouldn't let me go that easy. Its stuff like that, that makes me wonder if he means what he says. Ya know its like I guess I was just the back up girl and that I wasn't going to be anymore than that ya know...maybe he didn't love me and was just looking for a way out of what he was getting through ya know. I guess. I don't know what to do. How do you get over a person that you gave your all to?? That you gave everything to....especailly when you don't want to. Ya know I love him. Hes wonderful, hes everything...but I guess that was just me...it sucks when you love someone and they dont love you back. And that you realize that over something compeltly fucked ya know. Why does this have to hurt so much....this sucks
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