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playmate101 (profile) wrote,
on 8-1-2004 at 1:50am
Current mood: drained
Music: autobiography // ashlee simspon
Subject: has anyone ever reassured u, but u were never comfortable?
heyyyy.

today was a long day. woke up & showered and headed downtown. walked from the train station to navy pier which was a good 2hr walk. we had like the whole family = 18 people with us. but when we got to navy pier, my sister found this place that embroidered plain hats. so she got one, n so did my brother. then my dad decided to get 5 for their paintball team. what a long time that took because it had my mom getting pissed off and everyone was hungry and grumpy. so when my dad finally finished he was pissed at my mom for being bitchy and idk what happened from there... my dad walked off. then he came back. we tried finding the rest of the family aka grammy & aunts & uncles.... but they didn't save seats for where they decided to eat at. so that pissed my mom off more... we all were walking to find a cab because daddy was soooooo pissed. and then in the middle of nowhere my parents started arguing in the middle of the sidewalks with tons of people walking around. so my mom walked off. and my dad was yelling my name, but i wanted to go with my mom... so my dad walked one way with my sister and brother... my mom walked another and i sat next to a cement brick wall and cried my eyes out because of my parents. then my dad came back & we found my mom. once i found my mom i didn't wanna let go. i was hugging her with all i had. then we settled... and got a cab.... and went to Gino's East Pizza. that's the best deep dish pizza i think i ever had. we finished dinner & caught the cab back to the train station. the trains were packed. i was kinda hoping that gramma & etc. wouldn't make the train.... but like... i wish stacey did. cause i love her. but everyone else... idk they just piss me off. cause they don't like me cause they think i'm too spoiled. w/e but everyone of them had to run to the train which i guess was funny torture. its freezing up here. we were soooo cold tonight. but i'm so emotionally exhausted.

i'm tired of my parents fighting at every family outting we have. and it gets ridiculous. tonight... it was so horrible... all i wanted to do was run away and pretend like nothing was wrong. I needed a shoulder to cry on. i had nobody to call that i could rely on. and i couldnt really call anyone because my phone... was at uncle critter's house. i don't want to call someone and have them say "awww i'm sorry" or have someone say "that sucks" or "that's gay". i just want someone to let me call them and listen to me. i can't think of one person that i can call that will listen to me anymore. i wish i could call jonah and just talk to him. i think he's the only one i can rely on. not because he is my ex boyfriend, and not because we had a relationship. its just because he is someone i can trust and talk to without a problem. he was always a great friend. and since i know jonah doesn't want to hear it anymore because we're over... i wish jb and ryan could come over right now. i miss them too much. my brothers. its sad.

i never realized how much people actually make their own families rather than stick with the ones they're given to by birth. i mean... i consider everyone in florida... like LOS people... my family, and up here... i don't even know these people... they're just labelled my family. i mean my dad even admitted that he believed jim & gail were more of an aunt and uncle rather than trixie and sean or paula and joey. that's just the way it is.

i'm just emotionally worn with no1 to burst on. this is why i'm so laidback. i get it now.

but while we were downtown... i enjoyed the lights, the noises, transportation, the people, etc. everything about being in the city was phenomenal! like the stores/shopping beautiful. (the boys downtown and on the trains were hotttt) gosh i wish i lived in a complex in the city. <33333
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