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blackcandynecklace (profile) wrote,
on 8-5-2004 at 12:38am
Current mood: accomplished
Music: imagine
Subject: she needs soo much help. i want to be here for her though. this was a big big step for her though. she's telling me the truth. that never happens. i usually get frusted and jsut dont tlak to her
IIxsExiibAbexII [9:42 PM]: hmm
BlkCandyNecklace [9:43 PM]: hnn?
IIxsExiibAbexII [9:44 PM]: just thinking
BlkCandyNecklace [9:44 PM]: about?
IIxsExiibAbexII [9:45 PM]: how i dont feel good
BlkCandyNecklace [9:45 PM]: y?
IIxsExiibAbexII [9:45 PM]: i just have this bad feeling about i dont know waht and my nose keeps bleeding
IIxsExiibAbexII [10:00 PM]: will u talk
IIxsExiibAbexII [10:00 PM]: :-\
BlkCandyNecklace [10:15 PM]: sorry
BlkCandyNecklace [10:15 PM]: my mom got home
IIxsExiibAbexII [10:16 PM]: ok
BlkCandyNecklace [10:18 PM]: what's the bad feeling about?
IIxsExiibAbexII [10:18 PM]: im not to sure
BlkCandyNecklace [10:22 PM]: you ahve any idea?
IIxsExiibAbexII [10:22 PM]: yes that im not doing well and going to have to retun shortly
BlkCandyNecklace [10:28 PM]: return?
BlkCandyNecklace [10:28 PM]: whre
IIxsExiibAbexII [10:28 PM]: to my box
BlkCandyNecklace [10:38 PM]: what is on your mind?
IIxsExiibAbexII [10:38 PM]: i told u dont make me repeat it
BlkCandyNecklace [10:39 PM]: i think you shodul repeate it
BlkCandyNecklace [10:39 PM]: ti's good for you
IIxsExiibAbexII [10:40 PM]: I AM AFAIRD THAT.... I AM GOING TO HAVE TO RETURN TO THE MENTAL PLACE MY BOX
BlkCandyNecklace [10:40 PM]: ok why are you afriad
BlkCandyNecklace [10:41 PM]: why woudl that happen?
IIxsExiibAbexII [10:41 PM]: IM NOT DOING GOOOD HERE
BlkCandyNecklace [10:42 PM]: why
BlkCandyNecklace [10:42 PM]: what isn't going right?
ATTENTION [10:42 PM]: Instant Images session started.
IIxsExiibAbexII [10:42 PM]: me with ppl
BlkCandyNecklace [10:43 PM]: explaine to me
IIxsExiibAbexII [10:44 PM]: i dont mix well with people
IIxsExiibAbexII [10:44 PM]: i often get mad
BlkCandyNecklace [10:44 PM]: why do you get mad?
BlkCandyNecklace [10:44 PM]: what do you do?
IIxsExiibAbexII [10:45 PM]: ppl that remind me of ppl in the past i yell at i get weird i black out im not sure what i do... last week in the mental hosp i stabed a nurse or tried to with a plastic knife they kept me in a striaght jacket in mi box i was so scared n alone i cried so scared
BlkCandyNecklace [10:46 PM]: why don't you talk then
BlkCandyNecklace [10:46 PM]: your not tellng them what you need
IIxsExiibAbexII [10:46 PM]: i dont know what i need
BlkCandyNecklace [10:47 PM]: you need to not feel scared
BlkCandyNecklace [10:47 PM]: you need not to be alone
BlkCandyNecklace [10:47 PM]: you need to feel wanted
BlkCandyNecklace [10:47 PM]: you need to feel better
BlkCandyNecklace [10:47 PM]: you need to plnat you life back together
BlkCandyNecklace [10:47 PM]: you need to get out of there
BlkCandyNecklace [10:47 PM]: you need to heal
BlkCandyNecklace [10:47 PM]: you need love
BlkCandyNecklace [10:48 PM]: you know alot of what you need
BlkCandyNecklace [10:48 PM]: what you don't nkow is how to get it, but that is what all teh nurses and doctors are for
IIxsExiibAbexII [10:50 PM]: what do i do i need help.... from them but ugh i dont know!
BlkCandyNecklace [10:51 PM]: you don't know what?
IIxsExiibAbexII [10:52 PM]: i dont know..
BlkCandyNecklace [10:52 PM]: jsut relax,let things happen. it takes alot of time
BlkCandyNecklace [10:52 PM]: trust me i know
IIxsExiibAbexII [10:53 PM]: i cant relax
BlkCandyNecklace [10:54 PM]: i odn't mean phisically, i mean mentally
BlkCandyNecklace [10:54 PM]: why can't you?
IIxsExiibAbexII [10:54 PM]: its hard for me too
IIxsExiibAbexII [10:55 PM]: i want help but im scared so scared
BlkCandyNecklace [10:55 PM]: i know, i really really really really know
IIxsExiibAbexII [10:55 PM]: i cant sit with a person and have a convo its so hard i want to hurt them sometimes
BlkCandyNecklace [10:55 PM]: you don't know how much i know what you are talking about. it's not the same situation but the feelings are so similar
BlkCandyNecklace [10:55 PM]: you are hurting alot
BlkCandyNecklace [10:56 PM]: and i can't belive how huritng i used to be, i can't even imagine it anymore
BlkCandyNecklace [10:56 PM]: but it can get better, untilll you belive that everything is frozen
IIxsExiibAbexII [10:56 PM]: A LOT... it realli helps to talk to some1 that knows the feelings
BlkCandyNecklace [10:56 PM]: yea i know it does
IIxsExiibAbexII [10:58 PM]: thanks for talking with me i appericate it.. not many ppl talk to me...
BlkCandyNecklace [10:58 PM]: don't thank me for tlaking to you
BlkCandyNecklace [10:58 PM]: you do'nt have many people who understand you
BlkCandyNecklace [10:58 PM]: and you don't trust easily at all
BlkCandyNecklace [10:59 PM]: there are alot of issues in you that don't let you ahve a normal relationship, hell i can't even have a normal relationship yet.
BlkCandyNecklace [10:59 PM]: like i won't let anyone touch me
IIxsExiibAbexII [11:00 PM]: if sum1 touches me i spazz like someone other than a nurse
BlkCandyNecklace [11:00 PM]: yea
BlkCandyNecklace [11:00 PM]: you've been hurt
BlkCandyNecklace [11:00 PM]: it makes sense
IIxsExiibAbexII [11:01 PM]: i get really scared when im alone with men
IIxsExiibAbexII [11:01 PM]: i like start to sweat and get really scared i think im afaird there going to rape me
IIxsExiibAbexII [11:01 PM]: or beat me
BlkCandyNecklace [11:01 PM]: uhuh
IIxsExiibAbexII [11:02 PM]: :-\...ya i havent realli told anybody thiss much
BlkCandyNecklace [11:02 PM]: i'm listening
BlkCandyNecklace [11:02 PM]: you can tlak as much as you want
BlkCandyNecklace [11:02 PM]: i'm happy that you trust me enough to talk
IIxsExiibAbexII [11:04 PM]: sometimes i feel like im in a dream in a way
BlkCandyNecklace [11:04 PM]: yea
IIxsExiibAbexII [11:05 PM]: a lot of times i black out... and it feels like im living in my own personal hell and i created a world inside me head... a lot of times i get mixed up if its realty or not... thats why a lot of times i get confused because what i tell ppl its so whack
BlkCandyNecklace [11:06 PM]: yes
BlkCandyNecklace [11:06 PM]: it makes perfect sense
IIxsExiibAbexII [11:06 PM]: it does?
BlkCandyNecklace [11:06 PM]: yeaup
BlkCandyNecklace [11:07 PM]: it's really hard to explain how it makes sens but it does
IIxsExiibAbexII [11:07 PM]: can u try to or no
BlkCandyNecklace [11:07 PM]: ok
BlkCandyNecklace [11:07 PM]: i'll try
IIxsExiibAbexII [11:07 PM]: thanks
BlkCandyNecklace [11:10 PM]: i think you might feel as if you don't want to be in the world your in, so it's naturla to create your own world, but you are so hurt and such in pain it's too difficult to imagine a good place, so it ends up getting very very mixed up. the fact that your depression is overwhelming is enough to explaine your confussion, add in teh pain, and hurt, the abuse, all yoru feelings, everythign that has happend, your in a hurricane. and you feel as if it's impossible to get out,
BlkCandyNecklace [11:10 PM]: tis' hard to see that the hurricane is just in a bottle of water. and i'ts closed. but it can be opened
BlkCandyNecklace [11:10 PM]: your stuck though right?
BlkCandyNecklace [11:11 PM]: or am i not close?
IIxsExiibAbexII [11:12 PM]: ur pretty darn close i think im not eeven sure i had to re read it
BlkCandyNecklace [11:12 PM]: i know i may get confusing cuz i have to use metaphores
BlkCandyNecklace [11:12 PM]: otehrise i don't really know hoe to explaine myslef
IIxsExiibAbexII [11:13 PM]: i really like talking to u
IIxsExiibAbexII [11:13 PM]: sorry if i feel lke gay cuz im saying it so much i just usually cant hold convos
IIxsExiibAbexII [11:14 PM]: un less i really realate to it
BlkCandyNecklace [11:14 PM]: no it makes me feel wanted
IIxsExiibAbexII [11:14 PM]: good
BlkCandyNecklace [11:15 PM]: i seriously woudl'nt still talk to you if i didn't want to help you
BlkCandyNecklace [11:15 PM]: you know that i met you like a year ago
IIxsExiibAbexII [11:15 PM]: really?
IIxsExiibAbexII [11:15 PM]: that long ago?
BlkCandyNecklace [11:15 PM]: yeaup
IIxsExiibAbexII [11:15 PM]: where u lovelylattina
BlkCandyNecklace [11:15 PM]: i met you right after the first time i was in teh hopital
BlkCandyNecklace [11:15 PM]: yea
IIxsExiibAbexII [11:17 PM]: i had a blackout about that today i remember waking up aand thinking about lovelylatitina weird... when i go 4 mi tests which im going to have to go for cuz i had a black out i will remember what it was about and try to tell u
BlkCandyNecklace [11:17 PM]: ok heh
BlkCandyNecklace [11:17 PM]: i hope you understand how much i really care about you, i feel like i need to help you
BlkCandyNecklace [11:18 PM]: but if you ever want me to go away tell me
IIxsExiibAbexII [11:18 PM]: thats the 1st time i smiled in a while thanks
BlkCandyNecklace [11:18 PM]: : ) that awsome
IIxsExiibAbexII [11:20 PM]: i really wanna still talk... but if big mama (the nurse) catches me she said no more story time so i have to go and thanks again
BlkCandyNecklace [11:20 PM]: your welcome
IIxsExiibAbexII [11:20 PM]: byee
BlkCandyNecklace [11:20 PM]: goodnight
IIxsExiibAbexII signed off at 11:20 PM
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