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r0ckmywurld (profile) wrote,
on 8-16-2004 at 9:41am
Current mood: a flowing change.
Music: stars hide fire
Subject: "we arent friends anymore"
i've come acustomed to walking around with a smile on my face. solitude can be amazingly fulfilling. i sat at dereks the past two nights having the best times ever, and i barely talked to anyone. although nick was the funniest person ever. i was cracking jokes to myself. laughing. with myself. fuck this idea of settling we have grown to become content with. i love where i am right now and im happy. after you hit a certain point it becomes so easy to walk away from something that brings you down to much. you right i never said a word to you. but then again. you never were one for an eye for an eye. by the second eye it was always different i guess. but you were right each time. i shouldnt remember the past. but then again. im a scorpio and its in my nature. but you were right. i probably hurt you so many times. effortlessly. im sorry i slept at his house that night. im sorry that we slept in the same bed. im sorry for each indiscretion. you were never the one to like a blow out. so why bother even saying anything now? well heres the drama that you never want. im sorry for this too. wasnt i sparing you before? i hope for you that i havent hurt you as much as you me. no i hope that for me. i would hate myself for doing that to someone. but your right you took it with pride everytime. pride. your happy with yourself. with your actions. pride that was a perfect word. it explains why the actions repeated. get over yourself. stop the flattery. i couldnt say what you've done over the past weeks if i tried. im sorry. i did see you the other night. your right i watched your every move. you every move. right until you walked out of the room. i followed you out tho. did you see me in the shadows? or did i forget to turn the headlights off when you looked back at my car? i followed and tried to keep up. you lost me though. you kept me away. i hope that made you smile. im out of that town now. i know that must make you smile. you've won. you won the town over. i hope your voted mayor. that would make you so happy. lies? that was the one thing that really has me floored. which ones did i tell? did i make you look like a liar? did i? did you tell someone that i told you something then deny it? did i? did i lie when you asked a question? did i? did i keep stuff hidden for your own good? did i? you did know me better than that. get off your fucking high horse. you weren't "sparing" me of anything. the effort wasnt made. your right. the funny thing about that is we had plans the last day we hung out. but we had to have dinner with your little secret. it was a nice thought tho. i nice dinner. im sorry if i ruined anything that night? but we are both happier now. so why dont we leave it at that. because when people ask where my "other half" or "the other one" is. i smile as my heart sinks. and am happy just saying "we arent friends anymore".
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