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xpiratepunkx (profile) wrote,
on 8-27-2004 at 6:47pm
Current mood: envious
Music: Matchbook Romance - Tiger Lily
Subject: I don't wanna make things any worse
You would think that because I haven't seen Scott, it would make me think of him less. But it doesn't.

Good God. Even the little things remind me of him. Scott Napkins.

If I could only turn back the hands of time and never have told him the things I said. Maybe things would be different. Maybe I'd be talking to him. Is that too much to ask for? Just one hello? Anything that says, hey it's cool. We can still be friends.

I wasn't head over heels for him then, but now he is like a stain in my brain. (Not written intentionally to rhyme.)

Yeah, maybe what he did wasn't right. He shouldn't have said those things to me. Maybe there was a nicer way that he could have said it. It probably does make him a dick for doing that. It's like I was used. But then again, I sort of knew what I was getting into, and I sort of didn't.

Friends with benefits. I'd do it all over again, now that I know what not to do.

I should hate him but I can't replace him in my heart.

It's like I have his screen name now. Thanks to Christina. But I don't have the nerve to go ahead and IM him. For many a reason.

1. He'll ask how I have his screen name. (Stalk much?)
2. It's been so long since we've talked. What on earth would we talk about??
3. Just the fear that I'll be immediately blocked once I get a hey in there.

There has to be some easier way. I want everything to be how it was in late March/early April. It just isn't fair.

Scott was the best. You know, before he went psycho. Incredibly Sweet. Nice. Smart. Adorably Haha. Would you have me committed if I said he was perfect?

What girl wouldn't resist him? He can have whatever he wants. If by chance he has decided to want to have a deeper relationship with a girl, and has found her, then I envy her with everything that I am.

I'm lovesick now.
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