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r0ckmywurld (profile) wrote,
on 9-13-2004 at 1:46am
Current mood: tired
Music: acoustic local h
Subject: my english paper
i wrote my english paper about the ride to boston i thought i would share it..

Everyday as human beings we question our actions and the effect that our actions have on our surroundings. Most wonder whether what we have done throughout our day, week, or even life is right or wrong. The answer for many of these questions depends on our ethical and/or religious beliefs. Other concerns deal with conformity, greed, and the fight between what is important to the individual. Depending on ones ideas of conformity at the end of a day one may worry as to whether they have or have not conformed to society. People naturally desire to gain for themselves for the duration of their’ lives, Darwin taught us about “survival of the fittest”, the instinct that drives us to gain for ourselves. The worry of this sets in when one questions if what they must do to gain is coming before what they feel is ethically correct.
On my first trip to Boston for the fall 2004 semester I began to question my own actions, which accompanied thoughts dealing with what my own ideas of right and wrong are. I had decided to take the train by myself from Worcester for the fist time. My questions were raised when I began making decisions on how to treat a man who approached me while waiting for the train.
While I was standing on the platform a man was walking by asking every person for a lighter. The man was not easy on the eyes, having a beat down appearance. He wore a white t-shirt with a pair of sweatpants, a sweatshirt tied around his waist, and a hat on his head. To further subtract from what society has told us is appropriate appearance he wore his hair long and disheveled. Based solely on the appearance of the man my guard went up and I was not feeling completely comfortable. To my back right a male of my own age was standing watching this whole situation unfold. This boy provided for a feeling of comfort and safety as I talked to the man asking for a lighter. This comfort, as with the uncomfortable feelings were solely contributed to by the second mans appearance. He had a clean hair cut, and wore nice clothes including a polo shirt. He had not shown any reason for making me feel comfortable other than his way of dress and clean appearance.
The man whose cigarette I lit began to make conversation with me, asking questions such as where I was going, where I was from, and what I was doing with my life. I gave feed back because I since childhood I was taught not to be rude. The initial conflict in ones mind deals with whether to listen to the rule everyone learns about not talking to strangers, or the other rule, to be kind. As the conversation continued, I began to learn information about him that he was freely speaking about. He was making conversation about the importance of having a degree from college, this led him to telling me about how his degree is worthless because he went to jail for embezzlement. The conversation began to end and he suddenly needed a pen, my first thought was, “this creepy guy is going to try and ask for my number or give me his, no way I am giving him a pen”. He then asked others close by for a pen and all responded saying that they did not have one. This made me feel relieved, but at the same time bad for having negative thoughts about a man who was nothing but kind to me. I felt all the more worse when the man in front of me asked the man I had been talking to for a cigarette in exchange for money, the man just gave him the cigarette denying the offer of the money.
On the train the man who made me uncomfortable did not sit anywhere near me, to my bitter relief. I felt bad for not wanting him to sit next to me, but still felt good that the boy who had made me feel comfortable was sitting in front of me. After taking a short nap on the train I woke up hearing the boy in front of me on his phone. He was distinctly talking about picking up drugs, now while I was not trying to listen to his’ conversation; he was sitting directly in front of me. This still did not make me feel any less comfortable around him; in fact we began to talk and realized we go to the same school, and were going to visit the same school in Boston. I freely gave this boy my number in case he wanted to catch a ride back home with me the next day. We changed trains together then said goodbye at my stop.
The trip to Boston left me wondering about human nature. Questions about my own ideas of right and wrong, comfort and rudeness; and passing judgments on people were raised in my mind. I came to the conclusion that there is no answer to my questions, the grey zone is infinite, and the more I attempt to find an answer the more questions are posed. While each day may not present the same situation the same questions seem to resurface. The only answer, I have found, is to continue asking the questions.

i want to be loved. everyone does.

*stagnancy is my only enemy*
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