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ladymcgrady (profile) wrote,
on 10-13-2004 at 9:05pm
Current mood: discouraged
Music: "Runaway" - Linkin Park
Subject: Reality Check
Ughhhh i HATE feeling stupid...and yet, i alwayz do at work, i dunno if i'm just nervous cuz i feel like i'm alwayz being observed or what that makes me do stupid things and just not think...and it aggravates me so much cuz i know how to do most of the stuff, i just alwayz find a way to mess up...and i've come to learn that i vacuum the wrong way, i mop the wrong way, i handle dogs the wrong way, and the list goes on...and i've never been one to make quick decisions on what to do, so if my "boss" [not like my main boss but the girl in charge] tells me to do sumthin and i'm unsure how to do it, i'll ask...cuz asking questions is good...but she tells me i'm gonna have to decide for myself based on what i think...but the way i see it, i wanna learn how she does things so i dont mess up a system, that way she only tells me once and i do it that way from now on, instead of her tellin me to decide for myself and possibly making more work and then finding out later on that i'm doin it wrong or sumthin...especially workin with live animals, i kinda wanna make sure i dont mess anything up and endanger them in some way...but no one tells me anything, they just tell me what to do and force me to ask questions and then seem annoyed when i ask...i dunno, itz hard to tell with her, itz like i'm supposed to be helping her out since she hurt her hand and the other girl that worked with her got fired, but i feel like i'm working FOR her rather then WITH her, she'll make up all these lists of stuff she wants me to do and itz not that i totally mind, it just seems like she just gives me orders rather than askin me to do sumthin...but maybe it wuz like this with the other girl too and i just didnt know, maybe she does that for everyone, i dunno...all i know is that i'm getting very discouraged and itz getting a lil tense at work...then i felt really put down before cuz i asked her what to do at the front desk if she's not there when someone comes to pick up their dog, what papers need to be filled out or if the bill needs to be figured out...and she tells me that i cant do the bills and dont worry about it cuz she's never gonna miss a day again, and if she isnt there then find someone else to do it...and just the way she said it made me feel like they dunno if they can trust me with the bills or like she thinks i'm gonna take her job or sumthin...i just wanna be more informed so i can feel like i know what i'm doing cuz i really dont feel that way, i wanna learn the front desk area and the paperwork so i dont look stupid when pet owners ask me questions about sumthin and i have to go hunt down someone else to answer them, i dont like that, cuz then people arent gonna take me seriously and might not want me takin their dog, i dunno, all these thoughts were in my head all day and i had to get them out, it probably all seems stupid to those who may be reading this but this is how i feel...and now i'm done.
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