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waiting4rain (profile) wrote,
on 10-13-2004 at 10:15pm
Subject: Oh Jesus, how I need You.

"I need You, You're all I'm living for."

No matter where you're at, no matter what kind of person you are... you need Jesus.

I can clean up my life as much as possible, but still NEVER be fully clean and saved without my Saviour. I need Him so much, and there's nothing that can change that fact.
When things are all good, I still need Him. It's inevitable. I must cling to Him.
This way when things are going horribly bad, He is an "ever PRESENT help in times of trouble."

And as far as trying to clean up my life as much as possible- - if I see myself as responsible and moral, it's worthless, without God's Son. -
"God cannot put into me, the responsible moral person that I am, the nature that was in Jesus Christ unless I am aware of my need for it." -Oswald Chambers-
I can never become like Him unless I already know that I'm simply not like Him, without Him living inside of me.


I'm a little frustrated at myself... I know that I need the Lord, and oh how I want to follow Him; - just simply follow Him, and KNOW Him...
(Ref. Luke 9:61) "The person who says, 'Lord, I will follow You, but...," is the person who is intensely ready to go, but never goes...Once the call of God comes to you, start going and never stop." -Oswald Chambers-

And when I'm going, If something in me loses tenacity, or the care to go forward, it's like I have to say to myself, "No, you MUST care, Julie - now keep going forward."

Lord, won't You work in me even more? I'm desperate to know You. Am I desperate enough, so that I'll let go of everything that hinders me? What is it that hinders me? How can I know You more? Do You hear this prayer? I can plead my case - saying how I spend time with You every morning and night, talk to You like a child would, trust You, have faith in You (for where else can I go?)... if I stray from You, I have no peace... and yet how easy it is to stop caring about the choices I make! And why do I not feel like Your Holy Spirit is working in me so that I can change my ways and know You more?
Argh.
I will keep going. I want more passion, more and more of whatever the Lord has for me. I can't look back at this year with regret, letting opportunities slide by and being mediocre in my faith in Jesus. There's so much more, and even when it feels like I'm not moving forward, as if the Holy Spirit is not working in me, I'm not gonna give in to the lies that say I should just abandon the notion that I could possibly become more like Jesus, and know Him more. There's so much more, and now is NOT the time to be apathetic, or 'whatever' or 'some day, I'll start living for God...'

There, I'm done. This entry actually belongs in my written journal - the one that no one reads, except for the Lord. But oh well. Now ~you've~ seen some of my prayers.
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