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squishylover (profile) wrote,
on 11-4-2004 at 8:35pm
Current mood: ::grumble::
Music: Nobody's heart
Subject: Ebookman
Ok so Ryan has been hanging out alot with these two girls Janina, and Betty. Janina he's teaching how to skate, and Betty he's known for a long time. I've gotten so jelous over this whole thing, cause of just him spending time with them. I hear from people that they see him with the two all the time. God it hurts. I see them both and I can't even like them even if I wanted to. I can be civil but I don't like them. I would love to have some attention from him, but I shouldn't want that because then it would be harder for me to get over him. I just wanted to scream in lunch when Janina and Betty were talking about Ryan and that damned dog doll. I hate when I get like this but jeeze, it hurts. I feel like they are just replacing me...which is true. It should be this way but the truth hurts. It's good that Ryan's life is better and everything is going good for him. In other words since we broke up everything has been better for him, maybe I was bringing him down. I know I should stop brooding over this but I can't help it. I try really hard, sometimes I can and I feel great then at other times I will just want to sit down and cry. Ryan didn't even remember my birthday anymore. When right before we broke up he was always going your birthdays coming up, the big day is coming up, what do you want? Now he's like when is it again? Oh yah. AHHHHHHHHHHHH! I feel like my charecter in the play that I'm doing. Getting tossed away like a rag doll. I wish he was ready for a girlfriend, I wish he loved me still. But then again you should be careful what you wish for and is what I'm wishing for even something thats good for me? Gah and another thing, now that we split up his computer works! He's making profiles again! God....he stopped doing the profile thing for me so long ago...he stopped coming online. Now he's on all the time. Things are so different now, life is different.

-Chasmin-
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