|Add Memory | Add To Friends|
|THEhairybeast (profile) wrote, |
on 11-8-2004 at 12:22am
|Current mood: exanimate
Music: hawthorne heights in my head
Subject: just a thought..
|ok ive thought about this alot. .. so here goes. after this .. im lettin whoever needs to know that i put this in my journal, givin them the link, and hopefully theyll read and it can go from there and be done.
well ive found alot out about myself this week. by gettin into fights with craig i realized shit. and you know what, your right. yeah, you could have said it in a 'nicer' way, but i guess it took that for me to fuckin notice. first thing, the annoying thing. completely understand that. sorry. if things end and were still on that level then ill work on that. second, that im wayyy to attached to you. ok you deff didnt have to say 'let me go cry now' bc..i told you why i cried them like... what? 2 times we got into bigg ass fights. and i fuckin cried over you so you of all people shouldnt be the one to make a comment about that. but i get it. ill start caring as much as you from now on. and the nick comment that was made. maybe i did fuck that up because i got mad over not bein answered fast enough. that makes sense. i am madd impatient sometimes. ill stop. but in my 'defense' : i said guess what.. and you know that 3 minutes, especially online, is wayy long for someone to be like what to a guess what.. so the moment was passed. thats why i didnt tell you what it was.. not because i was mad. yeah, i was talkin to sam and i assumed you were ignoring me to talk to alyssa. especially bc you answered me as soon as she went away. but i found out, through an argument with sam, that you were watching tv. way to tell me.. but w.e. another thing, i had no clue that you fuckin thought i act like im your girlfriend. i deff feel madd dumb. first of all, you should have told me yourself that, not me hearing it from sam. and second of all, if you would have told me, i would have done something about it. i didnt even think that.. but ok. i guess me gettin mad at you at all is gonna start to mean i act like we go out.. seriously, i got a new outlook. its cool. im sorry that i was acting that way though. i mean i hate that it got so bad that you thought that about me. and even if you were gettin points across, you owe me an apology for the nick comment and the let me go cry thing. bc that was just bs. im not gonna say this again.. i HATE when someone knows the story but still uses it against someone later on in an argument. for example: if you knew someone hurt themselves. and you and that person have talked about it before. and you know why theyve done it and what not. 2 months later you get into an argument or a fight, and you fuckin tell them to go cut themselves. you knew why they did that and all but bc you were mad..you went and said that shit and used your knowledge of them against the person. even though they told you to talk about it not for 'ammunition'. as jess would say. and to clear shit up, i deff wasnt mad bc you were tryin to get with alyssa.. it was bc SINCE that whole idea began you started gettin meaner and meaner about things. and eventually not things, just towards me. and yeah, i know i got mad for dumb shit but once you made messed up comments it wasnt me bein ridiculous anymore. but im fine, im sorry and i hope your sorry for what you did. blah blahblah. its over. youll read this and .. move the fuck on. this has gone way to far.
oh yeah, and one other thing. if your sayin im acting like we go out because im gettin mad over stuff and makin it a big deal that we arent talkin..then think of it this way: if me and sam got into a fight..and i said mean shit to her... or w.e.. and we ended up not talkin.. but i wouldnt apologize ..shed complain and shed talk to ppl about it and try to get their opinion. and you know itd be gay if we werent talkin.. its the same situation but bc its with craig.. its more like im actin like we go out.... but then again, i know that i can be like that.. like w.e.. i talk about him alot and what not....i guess and shit. but it looks like that way more bc the fights between a guy and a girl. and i guess nobody gets that i see him as a best friend? ...everybody gets sad and makes it a big deal when theyre fighting and not talkin to their best friend.. or is just me? you dont see it the way i do, so? doesnt mean im acting gay. but its obviously whatever to you guys. so i give up worryin about it like that. cus it just causes problems. yada yada im done.
and i got up outta bed to get this shit down. so if you got a comment then comment..on here or tell me yourself. you know my screenname.. and if you already read this before i told you to.. then uhm, you better let me know. please..