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fadingfallenstar (profile) wrote,
on 11-10-2004 at 6:58pm
I'm falling apart.
I don't care if you want to hear me bitching, skip over it if you don't want to hear it.

I hate how my dad doesn't love me.
I hate how my mom loves me, but is too damn miserable to ever show it.
I hate that my brother hates me.
I hate that I lost almost all my friends.
I hate that I let people get to me. Everyone keeps asking me why I let them get to me. If I had a reason, I'd make it stop. I have this, "fuck everyone, I don't care what you think" attitude that is entirely too fake. I do care what people say. I can't stand all these people hating me. I can't stand people talking about me.

These past three days I have been breaking down for no fucking reason. My mom yelled at me, I went in my room and cried. I walked to the middle school after school, I cried. My dad called me a slut, and so many more words, I cried. I don't cry. What is wrong with me?

I hate how this easy life is so hard for me to take. There's so many people that have it a million times worse than me, yet here I am falling apart.

When I heard Sam didn't want him at her party I couldn't help but be angry. How all these people can just turn against someone for NO fucking reason kills me.

The fights that exist shouldn't.

I hate how I have NO ONE to turn to. My dad was drunk, like every fucking day. And he was screaming. He isn't the funny, haha, drunk. He's the violent, screaming drunk. I had to go somewhere. I went through my cell phone. I have 30 or more names on there. And I couldn't find one fucking person to turn to. Not one. And half of the people aren't my freinds anymore.

I hate to be hated.
I hate that I don't understand.

I don't want to be the sarcastic bitch anymore, yet I don't want to be the little depressed girl. I don't know what to be.

I don't get why you're all such terrible friends. I really don't. What is your reasoning? How hard is it to just be there and be understanding? My group of "friends" is by far the saddest excuse of friends I have ever seen. When it comes down to it none of them are there for you.

None of you can have a mature conversation. You have to call eachother names and be assholes to eachother. Just talk it out. If you are so sick of drama, stop creating it.

All I know is that if I had enough guts I would have ended this all tonight.

And with reading this, I know nothing will change. You'll just bitch, and I'll be your next topic for your lame ass gossip discussions.
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