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MizzPunkRockPrincess (profile) wrote,
on 11-26-2004 at 6:12pm
Current mood: sleepy
Music: Try Honesty-Billy Talent
Subject: I really cried...
Happy Turkey Day everyone. though it was yesterday. i would've updated but i was really upset. first off though, we went to my grandma's house(up the driveway). not everybody was there, but oh well. i managed. i got to drive my dads' truck and justin(amanda's boyfriend)'s truck. it was so cool.

i was trying to get a picture of the whole family.. but it failed.. no one really cares to be a family anymore. atleast not my family. my uncle travis and uncle wayne are fighting, i think. well anyways, everyone left and i went to my uncle travis' house. we ate again. omg. i thought i was going to die from too much food.

after eating at my uncle's, amanda was going to take me home and take justin to help his nana.. when i heard nana, i automatically thought pussy. and i was like "what?!". but i guess it's his grandma. anyways though, she brought me here and asked if i wanted to stay the night at her and justin's house.

i got all my stuff and went over to justin's nana's. they were watching home videos. so we sat there for about two hours. and they made me eat MORE. i mean, litterally MADE me eat more. but eventually everyone left and justin wanted to explain something to me.

i guess..his nana's sister was my dad's dad's girlfriend. and i mean, it for some reason just hit me that i could've known that family if i would've actually got to meet my grandpa more than once. thats not the worst of it though. i started watching the home movies and amanda pointed out grandpa. it was the first time i had even seen him good enough to remember him. i started crying uncontrollably. i had to have amanda take me home.

i was bawling the whole time home and then i got here and called my mom. i talked for about 10 minutes to her, bawling about my dad and my grandpa. and i kept thinking that my mom was so unhappy those 10 years that we were alone because my dad left. and then i thought that it was my fault that he left. because i was a mistake and he wasn't ready for me. just now, thinking about it, i'm crying. then when i got off the phone, everyone was standing in the kitchen, seeing if i was okay.

chris took me into my dads' and he started talking about my grandpa and how he was going to show me pictures of my grandpa. i don't think i'd be able to handle it.

so i started listening to konstantine last night and started crying again. i've just not been able to stop crying lately.

but anyways. billy's girlfriend came over and i tried to imbarass josh because he's a smartass. i kept hugging him and saying that i loved him. we went to sonic and came home. i slept for a few hours. got up and now i'm on the computer.. yay..!

taylor wants me to turn on my webcam, but i kinda don't want to because i just got done crying yet again. i'll probably take a picture when i get home.

we're leaving tomarrow in the morning. hopefully earlierish because i want my mom to take me to the city so i can get some new shirts. yay.. new shirts! lol. :) i'm gonna go though until i can think of something else to write. ttyl!

"and i cant wait to write you a letter everyday that i can't bear. you can feel this moments with words like forever, but you've gotta swear don't forget to remember me"-jamisonparker

. j o r d a n .
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