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losttt (profile) wrote,
on 12-17-2004 at 3:30am
I wish i would have had the balls then to say how i felt. I love ashley francis. I can be so insecure, and i can act pretty fucking stupid. feels so shitty to go away on this empty stomach. i wanted to be your friend. i thought thats all you wanted to be to me. you dont know what love is, what she or anything means to me. you dont know me, and im sorry i let you in my life. let you fuck with my head. i let myself fuck up my love. all the compounding problems i needed to deal with and you just became an addition to them. shouldnt have bit my tounge for so long. should have told you to fuck off a long time ago. should have said the same thing to who i was being. i was so fuckin weak. i love ashley. to the end. she doesnt deserve that shit, and she wont have it. the hurt is so bad. still hate the fact that I let you overpower me. was so weak and stressed already, dont know how you made me believe you could help but you did. was so fuckin weak at the time. ashley francis isn't a girl. shes my love. not "my first love high-school sweetheart" love: she's my love. dont ever forget it. i almost did in the stupid shit storm i put myself in. all this shit caused by my personal problems. i never knew i was the fuckin mess ive realized i am. i love you so much. i need to straighten my shit out and im trying to now.forgivness from myself will be harder to gain than yours. i cant affect you like that; its not fair to you. i know the time that is needed will be taken. know i am here for you for anything babe. anyyyyyything at all. i hate going away blah. iloveyou
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