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xpiratepunkx (profile) wrote,
on 12-19-2004 at 12:05am
Current mood: worried
Music: Blink 182 - I Miss You
Subject: Like indecision to call you and hear your voice of treason...
As you all know, I was unable to attend the party last night due to my uncontrollable lying and my big mouth.

Yesterday, I just watched the minutes go by until it hit six ‘o clock and thought, I should totally be on top of Adam right now! So, what…come late eight ‘o clock, I call Christina to ask her if it would be rude if I called Ben’s party and asked to speak to Adam and tell him that I couldn’t make it.

Anyway, I called up Ana because she had his number and I asked for Ben and his dad picked up:
J: Hi, is Ben there?
D: Uh, Ben? Who is this?
J: This is Jennifer
D: *waits* He’s putting some stuff down. Does he have your number?
J: Um, no. Do you think I can call him back later?
D: Yeah, sure…in about ten minutes?
J: Okay, thank you.

I hang up thinking what did I just do? I waited more than ten minutes though because I was watching TV. ;) I call back and his mother picks up:
J: Hi, is Ben there?
M: Ben? Let me go find him
B: Hello?
J: Hey, Ben. Um, You don’t know me, but a friend of yours gave me a flyer to your party…
B: Oh, the cops are shutting down the party…
J: Oh. I was wondering if I could speak to Adam really quick.
B: Adam? Adam…uh, why?
J: I just want to talk to him really quick.
B: Haha. Alright, hold on.
*in the background: Adam? Hey, has anyone seen Adam? Where’s Adam? Adam, the phone. It’s some girl. You invited her to the party.*
A: Hello?
J: Hey, Adam. It’s Jennifer, um, I talked to you like last week and you gave me a flyer to the party.
A: Yeah, hey. Uh, the cops shut down the party.
J: Why? Because of the noise?
A: Yeah. It was pretty cold outside to play anyway.
J: You were going to play outside?
A: Yeah. Only one band played. The kazoo thing didn’t work out because we were going to be the last band to play.
J: Oh, that sucks.
A: Yeah.
J: Well, I just called to let you know that I couldn’t come to the party.
A: It’s okay. Thanks for calling though.
J: Yeah, so uh…I guess I’ll see you at school next year.
A: Alright.
J: Bye.

And that was it. Ugh! I feel like such an obsessive person. I mean, yeah it seems like it was a nice gesture to call, but like…I know, I’m thinking the worst…but like, what if he invited me just to invite me. Like, just come out and see some good bands? What if it wasn’t, “Hey, come over and we’ll get to know each other better.” If that’s what was supposed to go down, and I couldn’t make it, wouldn’t he have asked for my number on the phone and asked to do something during the break? I surely wasn’t going to say that. It crossed my mind. But no way was I going to lay it out on the table. Ugh! He probably knows that I can’t stop thinking about him and all of this other stuff.

I feel so bad for interrupting the party…wait, it was being shut down, but like, just calling Ben and never have exchanged any words with him…or for that matter, seen him. Then to ask for Adam and say the stupidest thing. I didn’t even think about what I was going to say. I just went in for the kill. I can never show my face to him ever again.

If I go out of my way, anymore than I already am, he is going to think that I’m some tigress that keeps chasing after him. The boy needs his space. And if things are panning out the way I think they are…he probably has some girl on the side or something.

I know. I’m probably thinking way to into all of this. And it’s true, most guys don’t even think like that. Maybe Adam just thought, “Okay, she just called to say she couldn’t come. How nice.” But there is still that chance that says, “What if he thinks…?” You know? Well, I’ve written enough. Two weeks is going to be awhile without any action, so check back here in about two weeks, when school arrives, unless I state otherwise. Later.

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