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mizu87 (profile) wrote,
on 1-1-2005 at 12:56am
Current mood: nice
Music: Korn
... Happy New Years to everyone.. Javier says I talk seriously too much... Thursday Charles... said to me "I'm not sure if I should tell you this or not. Might make you sad, or gald, I don't know"... I got it out of him, he said "well, your ex is dead. Got shot in the back of the head at a A-town's bar" (A-town = name of town (code name)) ... he looked serious... ... it sure as hell stopped the little hop in my step for that day... this town is west of here around 30-45 minutes.
I told my mother about that.. in the car.. and thing is she said that she read about a shoting in that same town at a bar weeks ago, that a man also got killed there it didn't give his name... I called all the people in bulldog town that i knew, everyone is trying to find out if it's true... but no one knows anything.. I called Amy and Daniel... I talked to Daniel and he said that no one can find out anymore information.. Before all this calling people I asked Javier about it.. he knew about it but never told me! He first heard from a guy up at the school who asked him if he knew anything about a shotting.... he said no.. then at a party a few days later at Creig's house, Jaiver said a indian guy was stareing at him then asked him about Brook... so.. he Knew about it and never told me.. that really hurts me. Daniel was saying that the person who ever found his body found a little black brook (which he does have) with a note that wrote: If I die, these are the people I want contacted- ... and Stormy's mother, (carrie's mother aswell, that girl at gasmart that Brook worked with) was one of the people contacted... now Daniel also said it could just be a bunch of bullshit someone just started.. and I think I'd go for that because if Brook really did die it'd be in the paper and someone would of surely told me.. they just would have to.. right? I'm thinking it's a load of shit that Brook himself probably started... now Jaiver said that he heard Brook was at the bar that night... that's all he knew.. so he says... if Jaiver isn't telling me things anymore then I don't know if I trust him.. Brook always carried around that little pouch that had those 3 stones in them... the ones his mother gave him.. if that wasn't found on his body then.. it has to be just a bunch of talk.. because brook would of wanted someone to have those i'm sure of it. What is also strange is that that day at work.. the phone rang.. and stopped.. just rang once... then awhile after it rang again and I quickly picked it up.. no one was there... so a while after .. it rang again.. I waited and it rang second time.. and i picked it up... someone was there but they didn't say any words... all I could hear was moving every now and then and breathing.. the sounds were like papers or something.. ... Javier said it wasn't him and I don't know who else is fucking with me..
I was told this all could be a test... from Brook wanting to know if I still care about him... I do.. but.. I love him and hate him at the same time.. the first thing out of my mouth once Charles told me was 'oh well, it's not my problem".. he sure was watching my expression closely aswell too.. I dont' know.. I really don't know...
I've asked Jaiver for Don's number.. Brook's brother in law.. he has it.. but.. I just don't know about him... I really don't. I'm tired of bullshitting and I'm pushing Javier just like I pushed Brook, and I told him lastnight "i'm pushing you alot I know but that's what I do, I push untill you break and go away"... like Brook did. I didn't say anything about Brook though. .... I just.. I'm tired of fucking around with him... he tries so so hard to talk to me.. it hurts him that he can't talk with me ..but I told him the reason I stay with him.. is because I want to break his shell because I think it needs to be broke and someone needs to do it.
... I don't think Brook is dead.. he told me that.. if I looked up and still saw stars that he would be around... My mother, once we got home (she picked me up from work), we went through all the papers at the house we had... she said she wished it wasn't him .. for me; however, I don't know.. he was never there and .. if he is dead than... what would change?....
It's weird when people die for me... it's like.. they are just in another town under a different name and can't see who they used to associate with because it would break whatever was keeping them there and they'd go away for real.. I believe in reincarnation...
.. I don't know...

... ... Maybe I just dream too much
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