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THEhairybeast (profile) wrote,
on 1-3-2005 at 7:33pm
Current mood: stressed
Music: boyzIImen - if i ever fall in love again.
Subject: i need someone who will be my friend
i have so much shit on my mind.. like way much. its to the point where if i sit here and think for long enough, ill get so frustrated with how much more shit comes up when i start thinkin about one thing.. that i just want to cry. to be honest .. im considering getting away for a little bit. cus my mom offered. like i dont know.. i dont want to leave .. but if i stay here my heads like.. gonna explode! .. its so weird. i havent felt this powerless since like...idk .. all the shit with my aunt was goin on a few years ago. and like, it doesnt help that im not even at the 'talking level' with my best friend. or my ex best friend? .. i dont even know what to call her. but w.e .. that was my choice this time. i dont know, im so back and forth with stuff right now. i cant even finish one thought. like part of me wants to get away and blow it off .. another part of me just wants to make things right .. which cant be done with some people. and another part of me just wants to make things easier..just worry about school so i dont have to be bothered with my dads disapointment and shit. i dont know, but this summer - and thats quite a ways away - but, im so going anywhere my dad will let me. and im hopin i get a job soon so i have money. i know were broke and all and that doesnt change me wanting new things. so i should start getting money for myself and the new things instead of makin my dad pay when he coudl be usin it for better things. like a house..and i have no clue where we are on the moving thing. i think its like were good for now. but we could have to up and move any day. it all depends on when the guy wakes up and feels like pushin us out, you know? .. w.e im not even worryin about that. thats pretty far down on the list of things thats on my mind. its so bad my god... i dont even KNOW whats bothering me and makin me like this. i just feel.....confused. its so much stress. damn. and lately ive just been like.. fuck it idc .. and not even wonderin why things arent bein fixed with whoever and what ever.. i just want to go chill somewhere with people that i can have a good time with and laugh and just...idk ... do w.e. and i know thats guarenteed if one of them 'someones' is sam.. but idk .. we cant just pick up and start talkin .. cus i still dont feel like fixing anything.. and we havent talked in so long. and things are goin good with my dad.. we got along all break. so thats good. and the whole new years crap.. ew. thats just rude to anyone. so much shit is bothering me i feel like my head is full. i cant think about any other bs but this crap. ahhh go awayy
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