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|sherriffsteve (profile) wrote, |
on 1-5-2005 at 7:27pm
|Subject: I love techonology, but not as much as you, you see, but I still love technology...always and forever.
|It's been a while since I've updated. I guess I haven't had much to say for the last little while. I'm missing youth group right now and it makes me sad. But not as sad as whats going on inside of me. I don't want to say that God is testing me, because God doesn't do that. I'm simply fighting my way through my own ignorance. God knows that too. He knows that I'm trying, only because I asked Him to. And He heard. I might not see it now, but I'm sure it will come to me, soon enough. I've spent my last few days looking for a job, and trying to find me a car. In other words, I've been couped up, in my house, reading and trying to understand where God wants me to be. It becomes clearer and clearer to me everyday, and I am thankful that God would show it to me.
Today I had the weirdest breakdown. First off, I spent the morning with Dan. It was pretty cool. We hung out until he had to go to youth group. Then I took a little nap and was woken up by my sister screaming, "Molly, Molly, movie gallery on the phone." The lady told me that I have a test to take for them tomorrow. (for a job.) So I was like "Uh tomorrow at one." So after that I was really excited. Becasue for the last couple weeks I was looking for a job. But then my dad called and told me that he didn't want me going to youth group tonight because he thinks we're gonna have a storm. Talk about turning calm into chaos. I was so mad. At first I couldn't understand why he would do such a thing to me, after I had spent hours upon hours trying to clean his house and make his life absolutely perfect. Youth group is one of the most important things to me. Then I took a deep breath and realized that I am one of the most important things to my dad. And he didn't want me to drive through the white out. It took a little while to reassure myself that I was acting crazy and I needed to calm down. But it felt so right to be mad! Even with that I knew it wasn't right. So when my dad got home, I tried to not act like a little brat. But I just couldn't help to not laugh when he was picking on my sister. And then when He started picking on me. It was hard.
And Kelly don't think that I was crying because I didn't get to go. I'm 19, not 5. I was crying becasue it was time to cry, and so I got out my bible and started to read. I dont' even remember where it was but it was was one of the things I needed to hear. I remember reading it before. I even had it underlined in my bible(although, what's NOT underlined in my bible.)It said “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” It became clear to me that God knows this heart, and He won't give up if I won't.