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AnnaLeBelle (profile) wrote,
on 1-8-2005 at 12:21am
Current mood: crushed
Music: Fear-The dothack original soundtrack 1
Subject: Don't Be Alarmed...
I'm torn into a million pieces like the pages of my soul. Lying here, on the ground, staring at an empty sky that holds no meaning anymore. I want you to tell me it will be okay, but where are your outspread arms? There's nothing for me anymore. Surrounded by anger and sorrow, this blackhole of depression has got to close! It's sucking in my heart, the sanity I have left and I cling desperate to any shred of hope that is left. Maybe we can start over, erase everything, I'll show the real me if you show me the real you. But I know you're gone and no one's there anymore. Maybe they are and I'm playing the martyr again. But, you know everything I've done has always been for you. Who will I save myself for? Certainly I can't for you anymore, love. You cannot break the mortality of this fragile alabaster shell because if you did, this wouldn't be a reality. Merely... a dream. And though I could loose myself in its beauty and the passion that my mind so cleverly allows me to percieve, I would die on the outside even though my soul would soar! So, what price is that that I must pay to smile, to laugh, to be carefree once again? Only a body, only my blood, only my looks and my voice. Only the sparkle that my eyes once held. But, if it means spending eternity with you so my heart can soar into the clouds again, so be it. I will gladly cast it aside. Dependant I have become to you, addicted I am to your voice and your perverted humor. Accustomed I have grown to your anguish and pain. Desperately I long for what has left me so chilled to the bone. I never thought it would end like this, crying.. bleeding and alone.

Because I always thought the perfect death would be in your arms.

I'm sorry for hurting you. I've changed, I know. But, besides all of those changes, all of those pointless arguments and aside from all of the lust and desire, I still love you the same. Maybe we fell in love with different people, that's a possibility. Don't you want to get to know this me? Are you afraid, is that why you walked out? You didn't want to be left first... I understand. I thought about it, too. God, it plagued me for nights on end, but I guess there was an error in my judgement because I didn't choose what was right. Still, sin felt so good. I'm so sorry... I wasted so much of your time, can you ever forgive me? Can you ever forgive such a filthy slob like me?
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