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|superheromindo (profile) wrote, |
on 1-28-2005 at 11:29pm
|Current mood: exhausted
|I thought that after doing nothing but work and school for 5 days, I was too exhausted for emotions. Nope. They keep coming strong. Maybe stronger just because my mental walls are down. Either way I'm crying. I was complaining to Braeden that I was feeling fat/ugly, with the underlying girl message that I was feeling lonely/worthless/misunderstood/mistreated. Somehow we came around to him and what he felt was wrong with him, and I again voiced my opinion that to do anything well enough to truly excel at it, you have to be whole-heartedly involved. He got mad that I told him that, and I apologized and it wasnt enough. I said nice things about him and he shrugged them off as not being true because I knew he was feeling crappy. It made me feel even more worthless. The fact that I cant console one of the best friends I've ever had makes me feel pretty shitty. I pretty much just have to sit back and let him be depressed, because that's what he wants. He wants to be left to his misery, and that's fine. Except that its not because as his best friend I'm supposed to be able to cheer him up with my stupid wit, like I can with Mia. Like how she was sick and miserable today, and we were talking on the phone/online, and I made a weird lazy noice on the phone and tried to figure out how to spell it, and typed "asdfsoiuqwer." Not that exactly, but you get the idea. Then on the phone I tried to pronounce that. It made her laugh and made me happy. It makes me feel useful and brings purpose to my life.
I would keep going about this, but just...no. Too tired.