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lifestourniquet (profile) wrote,
on 2-2-2005 at 5:22pm
Current mood: discontent
Music: Crazy town-Butterfly
Subject: Cold feet
Im wondering whether or not discontent is an apt enough word to describe what Im feeling...As I am also wondering whether or not this is cold feet that I have, adding to that the fact that Im not getting married and am therefore curious as to whether or not I can say I do have cold feet.

Your wondering what the hell Im on about.

Well...It's only the...what? Third day of school for Lauren and already things between her and I are..."slowing down"? Her mother is becoming more and more anal, enforcing stupid rules like "Monday and Thursday are homework days" *Add sarcastic smile here* What is she in primary school or something?

Add to that her sociallism has flared again, now Im not going to mention anything about this to her as all it will do will cause problems. But her passion for stupidity at parties is amazing...smoking pot, cigarrettes and drinking herself stupid seem to be among favourites. Im fine with sociallism, but...and how bad is this going to sound...Charn's type of sociallism. The kind where you dont go out to get piss drunk or stoned...but the kind where you go out to see FRIENDS. Not the kind of party where you hook up...but the kind where you chat and have conversation with just one or two drinks...Its smart sociallism...Laurens friends...their lack of intelligence seems at a high...and the constant amount of guys after her at parties severely bothers me...

I've never been in a relationship where Ive had to work hard to see my girlfriend...I've never really needed to be in a relationship where effort was required to be together...Although effort to stop arguing was present...but it was always made up after. And it just seems that if Laurens mother continues to be like this....I dont know, Im just going to end up in a very unhappy relationship.

I dont know what to do about her desire for stupid sociallism...nor those guys after her. I do trust her...but I worry that she will end up in a state like last time...where she passed out as soon as she was in bed...will leave her in trouble...or hurting me...And it will all end and come crashing down. I could, in a very self inflicted pain type of way, deal with her dumping me....but I could not, in anyway handle her cheating on me, or dumping me because she cheated on me...And because of the party last time, I am so worried that this is what is going to happen.

As for her mother...well...I suppose we'll see hmm?

I shall leave you now, I complain far too much...

P.S Last night, Lauren had a severe...severe burst of confidence...and went down on me in her parents car. I found this amazing and amusing enough to place in here for all your perverted satisfaction, right Jade and Chrissy? *pokes out tongue* Wish me luck with this guys...We've been together 2 and a bit months....I want it to be 200 and a bit months you know? Here's hoping...*crosses fingers*
Love,
Matt.
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