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onceagainistandalone (profile) wrote,
on 2-26-2005 at 1:02am
i just don't know what to tell ya here chief..i'm fucked. they ask how i am and all i can say is im still breathing. i tried ignoring it all for her sake but somehow though we barely knew each other, she understands me better than most..or maybe she just puts up with me for some reason. can't be the sex cause there wasn't any. it was only 8 days too..it just boggles my mind sometimes but i prefer not to ask questions and just let this beautiful thing happen. she saw trhough my bullshit though. so i told it all to her, she didn't know what to say but thats beside the point..she wanted to know and that is what matters. i hope it all wroks out like i envision in my head..but those are for me and her only so fuck off if you want to know what i see.

these things..these life issues that one deals with, they wear on the soul..or maybe its just me. i really don't feel right when i work..it gives me no satisfaction of a job well done or any of that bullshit even though i try my hardest at it...it just feels like misdrected effort. i don't even really like being around people here. im scared im going to gain weight cause im a fuckin recluse. i don't want to end up with a job..honestly i think i would be happier in poverty cause money is just another worry..plus its evil. all i need is a bed and a guitar and a lover...thats all i really want too. oh yeah, and ciggarettes.

i don't know, we'll see how it all pans out.

love,
matthew james hinton
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