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|fraggle (profile) wrote, |
on 3-3-2005 at 5:27pm
|Subject: Everything is wrong
|So much has happened since the beginning of the year. I have had some of my most grandiose experiences and yet also some of my most atrocious experiences. And those have happened pretty recently. I believed someone and the ideals that they thought. In one night I lost not neccesarily all the trust that I had, but a significant amount. I can't deal with the fact that I am not the one that decides how someone feels about me and what they believe about me or worst how they feel about others. I've had this before. It's all too clear in my mind. No one is ever sure about how they feel except me it seems like. That's the only thing I am sure about. I have no clue what I want out of life and how to get there. I'm going to die and I might as well have fun in there sometime. But for some reason I can't just be okay with having fun. I want to feel fulfilled. Like I meant something and was worth something to someone... somehow. I wish life was easier. Without doubts.
I have to go eat. Maybe I'll have the emotions to finish this later. We'll see.