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AnnaLeBelle (profile) wrote,
on 3-11-2005 at 12:28am
Dear Jocelyn....

I was thinking about you earlier. About all of the things we've done together. The stress, the torment, the anguish I've given you. And all of the beauty and the feelings and the warmth you've given me. This little light in my heart will burn strong until the day you turn away, but even then the sun in my chest will not burn out.

I know I may not cross your mind often, but when I do, I hope you think of the positive. I know it's hard to find the optimistic in the pessimist loner sometimes, but you're always looking on the bright side of things, my sunshine. I just wanted to say there isn't a minute of the day where I'm not reminded of you. Your smile, the way it looks when it's from deep in your heart. And your eyes, god, the mystery they hold. Could I stare into them for countless hours and not be in the least bit uncomfortable or dissatisfied. The way you walk, the way you talk... the way you breath, with way you laugh.... the way you cry, the way you lie, the way you die! God, I love it all.

When in doubt, your voice calls to me through the darkness of dismay and I follow it to the lighter side of life. How is it in such a short time you taught me to be everything I'm not? How is it without even being here at all, you touch me so deeply? How is it I can never stop thinking about you, about us?

For once, please don't be so ruthlessly guarded, my love. I want to know how you feel. To constantly live in a state of turbulent unknowing is worse than death itself. Please, just be blunt, be rude if you have to, but I need to know your feelings. I cannot read your eyes over the wires of this world. I cannot see your face, the thoughts that pass through your mind. I cannot comprehind the tone of your voice through the keys of the keyboard. But would you be too afraid, too ashamed to say the words aloud?

Don't be afraid of change or hurt, my love. I will never try to pain you. The past is the past and the furture is now. I've no token of my love for you, other than my sincerest words and this monster that thunders within my chest. I've no absolution for this affection. No solution. Nothing. It's irrational, really. Another mystery to solve, but who would solve an equation with five variables and only one given?

This is hardly romantic or poetic, I know. I'm settling my mind after a rage-filled letter to a woman who is constantly plaguing me with her body. Please, save me, dear. I don't want to succumb to carnal desires... I must save myself but how can I do that when I can't swim? I'm drowning in this frustration with no life jacket and a body paralyzed with guilt.

Save me.

Yours always and forever,
Alexa <3
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