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emo414 (profile) wrote,
on 3-23-2005 at 9:56pm
Current mood: disbelief
Music: there is - boxcar racer
Subject: its all over
i sit here on the clutches of tears and throwing up. i sit here thinking about the past nine nearing ten months of my life and wonder what it was all for. wondering how a moment of downtime in a relationship can make everything buckle under the pressures and experiences of everyday life. i guess its just being a teenager and the grounds that come along with it. i just am absolutely amazed that its over. it might only be a temporary fix but something deep down inside is telling me its not. something is telling me she is gonna run off with one if the constantly flirting guys that look better than me are more confident than me and are better to her than i was. a part of me knows its over because the second time never works out and i never make it to the third. i guess its just my luck yet again. as i think about it i can imagine it ending up just like last time... she falls head over heels for one of my best friends.... they r over... she falls back to me almost half a year later and for a few days or maybe even a week if i am lucky i think that the third time is actually gonna happen that its actually gonna work. but then that one guy is going to emerge from the woodwork and give her a kiss and change the rest of my life. it seems to be almost the fairytale ending for her and the nightmare ending for me. i pray that it doesnt end like my thoughts are telling me..... but as of now i sit here with all thoughts of the future... from summer license with a girlfriend that i love to the phone conversation we would have had in about fifteen minutes..... its all shot to hell. just like last time.
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