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|stroker (profile) wrote, |
on 3-29-2005 at :00pm
|Current mood: scared
|Everybody needs a hero. To some it is a person from a comic book, or a cartoon, or a movie. To me, my hero is my Pa. He has always been there for me and I have learned many things from him, he has always done everything in his power to help me no matter what. My only complaint is the fact that he does not take care of himself. Everyone in my family (even him) knows that he will not live another ten years, he is only 50. Like everyone else in my family I try not to dwell on how little time I have with him, but make the best of the time we have together. Sometime I can't help it. When he says stuff like "I'll be dead by the time that needs to be fixed again" all the thoughts of him not being there fill my head, and I get all pent up inside. I get mad and sad all at the same time, I meen I'm pissed at him for the fact that he wont take care of himself and sad when I think of him not being there. My Pa is greatest man I know, there is not a mean bone in his body. I have always known that I was a lucky person for having such a great dad. I know alot of people with deadbeat dads or asshole fathers, and feel for them on somany levels but sometimes they piss me off. Well not them exactly, but the fact that these people sit there and say that they wish their dad would die. What makes me mad is the fact that most of these deadbeats will live well into their 80's or 90's, but good hard working men like my father wont ever see their 60's. It's not fare.
Now for those of you that don't know me that well let me tell you about my Pa. He is a fifty year old biker/hippy that loves to live. He will do what ever he dam well pleases to have fun. He is a big guy with great sence of humor and big heart. He doesn't say it much but everyone knows he loves his family, all of them no matter how rotten they are (that would be my lowlife brother). He loves to ride his bike and he has a very bad drinking problem. Wich is a big part of his life but it does not define him. Unlike most people when he is a funny playfull drunk not a meen hurtfull drunk. He is very laidback but very responsable too. He is my Hero. All I have ever wanted is to be like him and never disapiont him, but I can't do both because he doesn't want me to turn out like him. He think that his life was not all he wanted it be, He always wanted me to be a big shot so I didn't hve to work like a dog everyday just to get by. He wanted me to have all the fun he missed out on. All I wanted to do was be like him, start family be a great father and be happy just like him. I don't need alot of money or fancy things or all the other crap he thought he wanted, I just want my daddy and I want my children to have a daddy like him. Those are some big shoes to fill. I just hope that when I do have children They will at least get a chance know him before he is gone.
I'm sorry if some of this is hard to read, it's not easy to type with tears in your eyes.
Peace to all.