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threshershark (profile) wrote,
on 4-8-2005 at 8:27pm
Something has gotten me thinking lately. I've realized that I've made all these plans to do stuff but I'm really just off on my own, not really asking what God wants in my life. So, how do I know what God wants? I know you have to "give it all up to Him", but what does that really mean? People throw that phrase around all the time but don't explain it. Sure, by His Grace, I'm repenting. I don't plan on being some boozing sexmonger, and we're working even on things like not putting my interest in music or lucha libre before Him. Is that "giving it all up"?

God gave me gifts to use, right? I don't think He'd give me a love for writing and for places like Mexico and my family and then be like "Hey, if you really love Me you'll trash all that and join the theological semenary in Nebraska." I mean, He could and He'd have every right to tell me to do that, and with some difficulty I would, but doesn't He give us dreams and hopes and desires to lead us to what He wants us to do with our lives? It seems like when people say "Give it all to Him", they mean "wait for that feeling to come". And then they descover that the desires they have may have taken a higher place in their lives than God (as they do at times), and they freak out and think, oh no, I'm not living right, these desires are sinful, I'm trashing my dreams of become a ballet dancer and hmm, it feels like He's telling me to be a preacher to Inuits, even though I hate Alaska.

I dunno. Maybe it's what really happens. Don't get me wrong, I think God has every right to tell us to do whatever He wants with our lives. We would be headed to Hell if He didn't pay the ultimate sacrifice for our sins; we owe our lives to Him. But I do not understand emotionally based decisions on what God's will would be. Wouldn't it make sense that He'd use our passions and desires to work for Him and to give Him glory? Even if those desires at one point in time had a sort of idolatry attached to them (but have since been repented of)?

Anyway, I also wish there were people around to answer my dumb questions.

I went out to Lil Mexico today! It is a few blocks in Grand Rapids packed with Mexican American immigrants and their decendants. We went to Little Mexico Restaraunt which is awesome, you guys should see it. Then we drove around and looked at the downtown area. I am afraid my sister is a little Africanophobic (*Kristi looks at a black family innocently sitting our on their front porch on a sunny Friday evening* "Man, I bet Detroit is ten times worse than this!"). I suppose it didn't help her much that we watched part of "8 Mile" yesterday though.

So anyway I want to live there. There was a spanish video store there that I want to check out because they probably have lucha libre films there, like El Santo y Blue Demon that I am dying to see.

I remember going downtown when I was little and feeling very scared of all the different people walking around. It wasn't racist, though, it was more like I felt I stood out, like I was the different one there. this time though there was a general feeling of warmth and relaxation, even of safety. I saw cars parked downtown with their windows rolled down and people chatting by their trucks in parking lots, smiling and enjoying the nice weather.

And something else too. PEOPLE DON'T STARE AT YOU FUNNY AND ACT SCARED WHEN YOU PASS THEM ON THE STREET LIKE THEY DO IN THIS SUBURBAN PIT. Honestly, people here are paranoid. "Oh no, a ~teenager~, I'll bet he'll mug me on the spot, I better look in the total opposite direction and walk as far away on the sidewalk as I can". You don't see inner city folk doing that nonsense.

I was probably a half mile away from Eisley today. Sigh, I really do not care anymore though.
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