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mizu87 (profile) wrote,
on 4-18-2005 at 2:10pm
Current mood: fine/stomach hurts
Music: crossfade-CD
Yo, I guess it does work. I know I haven't updated... just.. so much. I made a fool of myself Saturday night. Friday night i went to my first real party I guess you could say (since I got real close to drunk). At Anton's house. Saturday was another one, same place, block away.... well... i sat down on someones drink.. then left because i got pissed at javier because he went there when i was at lenka's and... he was just... not even gonna care about me. Friday he wouldn't leave me and i was falling all over the place and I was really happy that he stayed with me.... at my house we were gonna have sex.. just as friends.. i made him say to me 'just as friends' but then i broke down crying.. damn... i cried alot... i was out of it. You know that Breaking Benjamin song, Firefly? Firefly have you lost your light now i hate your ways cause they're just like mine? Well.. i always thought of brook when i heard it.. but never really could understand him because i wasn't like that and never got as bad with drinking like him... but friday he was only on my mind... that and how much i've hurt javier. But anyway saturday was aweful.. i made a fool of myself.. i walked 5 blocks to javier's house... alone with alcohol on my breath... smart huh? I was supposed to be home at 12 and it was only like 10:something. ... I just sat down in his house w/his mama there... ... and went to his brothers room and he left his room, christian.. he didn't want to be near me... so anyway i hear (after awhile) the front door slam open and here runs javier to me and yell's where have I been..... (he said he would never leave me but i left anton's house saturday by myself and ... it was a good 30 minutes atleast before he decided to find me.... of course i was calling johnathin on a girls cell asking him to come out to see me but that's besides the point! he told CC that I was stalking him! bastard! he said he didn't say that, he said what he said was that when he goes to see my brother i pull him out of the room and make him go to my room.. like that sounds better than stalking him! >_< moron... i was pissed) but... anyway mom and dad was looking for me. Mom was in the truck with javier and.. they came to get me at his house.. papa was on the proch... what it was was that once i left the party, the people were making fun of me and javier got pissed at what they were saying and so he went to my house and i wasn't there so mom freaked, called anton's, threated to call the cops... great right? called lenka's then came to find me... i didn't say a word... and mom went inside the house with papa and me and javier stayed outside but i wouldn't talk to him and he held my arms tight so i couldn't walk away and kept asking what was wrong with me.... i just couldn't talk ... i didn't want to ... but... anyway... i ending up laying in the grass and he came too me.. i talked and talked and he didn't say a word and he got pissed, hit our wooded fence, busted up his knuckles ran off, i ran afte rhim, he kept fighting me so i tripped him and pinned him to the ground...... ... he says i don't care but i do.. he got up again and was going to anton's house.. and... i went after him once again and told him to stop walking way from me that i care about him too... i made him realize that he doesn't care about school his family and stuff like that.. and... well.. jsut me.... he needs to fix that shit.... ... but anyway... i told him i'm tired of having to chase after him... so..... Sunday i went to town with papa,... then went to work and didn't hear a word from javier... he is too much trouble for me.. too much.. (oh, i took him inside Saturday night and bandaged his wounds, jerk) so... he was there when i got home from work.. and he came in my room at 11:00 and asked for a hug and i asked why.... but i told him if he wanted one i'd give him one but... that he was too much trouble fo rme.. i can't take care of him and run my life and take care of myself too... he doesn't think about all i do.. he doesn't respect me... not truly.. he is just growing up as am i... I got another job.. making pizza... i work from 4 to 10:00... i have 2 jobs and i get maybe 2 days off a week... i do alot... damnit and.. he just .. wants attention attention attention .... ... oh well.. i haven't talked to him today yet.. and that is fine with me.... i have to study hard from now on... ....
i played DDR with two 7th graders... they are cool.. fun.. anime freaks... game freaks... reminds me of me when i was their age... ha ha... so they are cool, their mama's are cool too.. we should be starting a fan-manga of inu yasha i'm sure with our own twisted characters.... they draw pretty damn good... aslong as they are looking at something.. which is the same as me but when they just draw freehand then it still looks okay.
I like my second job.... i miss takling with my friend in TN and... Hiei... I do think bout you guys. ..... I'm at school so I don't feel safe writing here... but that's okay since i need to update...
... i need a friend...and i think i really don't have any here... i'm beginning to hate this place more and more.. i have no money saved up and mom got hurt and can't work at her job... workman's comp wouldn't take her case but finnaly after what like 3 months they are taking it so... she will hoepully get back pay and treatment...
.... well time to play on neopets..
i love you hiei and yusuke... and jahreee.... love you guys... please... please email me..... .. please.... i miss you all....;_; ... i really do...

... ... later.... till next time.
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