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sandatthebeach (profile) wrote,
on 4-19-2005 at 12:26am
Current mood: distressed
Music: Moulin Rouge
Subject: Pencil Lead
I'm here. It's been awhile. But I'm here. I don't even think anyone reads this anymore. But I'm here nonetheless.

I think I'm emotionless. Why is it that I don't feel sad or angry or happy or content? I don't feel anything. I don't like it. I want to be either happy or sad. I'm not even content. I'm just...here....I hate being in lingo but yet I'm here.

I don't know what to do with myself. I feel like I'm just kinda exisiting. And the thing is...I've been feeling this way for over a month now. It's not like I suddenly woke up one morning and decided that I'm gonna be emotionless. I don't know what I want. I don't even know what I'm looking for...I'm just kinda....here.

Is there something wrong with me? ::Sigh:: I don't want to sound pessimisstic because the only thing I ever say in this journal is about how pissed I am at life and shit. I just....I don't know! I'm frustrated because I'm discontent with life. I've lost all motivation to care....I feel no emotion...or am I the exact opposite? Am I too emotional that I can't even decipher what emotion it is that I'm feeling? They should have a drink that relieves stress...like something I can grab at Caribou. You know, rather than a cup of coffee to get my source of caffeine...I could grab a cup of coffee with some kind of stress reliever so I can feel refreshed.

I feel kinda dirty....but it's only been about an hour and half since I took my shower.

I don't know....I'm just rambling now.

I'd better get back to work.

Always, Sandy
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