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talithe (profile) wrote,
on 4-20-2005 at 10:41pm
Music: Fatamarse - Bump To The Music
Subject: Sweet Liberty.. OOOOH
Finally found this song and downloaded it, although it has been remixed and is not-as-good. Whatever works.

I was invited last night to head back to my sister's place and hang with her roomies. Particularly, I'm looking forward to hanging out with the cool guy I mentioned in the last entry -- who's name is so glorious I refuse to drop it. There will also be a guy named Joey, who was looking forward to seeing me. Hum. Seven months ago I might have been interested. This is the good looking, hat-wearing Irish guy I told my boyfriend about before we even started dating. The same one he was losing confidence over to ask me out. The same one I no longer have a fascination or even a slight interest in now. Hum. It's just the thought that he still likes me that bothers me heading over there, with the knowledge that he will be present. I told my boyfriend about the awesome-named guy though. I don't know if it's healthy in relationships to mention new friends of the opposite sex, but I feel better when he knows who I hang around with. Even though most of the people at my sister's place make a poor habit at being clean, which I also confessed.

I recently went through a terrible misunderstanding involving my boyfriend's family, which I have subsequently avoided these past few days -- after being in their presence for almost two straight weeks. Today I told my boyfriend exactly what was bothering me, which I should've said from the start to avoid all this confusion. Had I known he'd question his family about my problems I definitely would not have spoken up. Now I hear they're asking for me to visit or else they'll all feel bad -- but truthfully I'm still too stressed about all of it to even want to go back there. I was invited to a Royal's game with the family, undoubtedly as an apology and another invitation to be more interactive with the family, which I had to decline.

I've been so stressed and upset lately I swear it's not healthy in the standard sense of healthy -- which I typically consider normal. I haven't been getting much sleep (can't say that I have a desire to), I've lost my appetite, I'm hating everything a pinch more than usual, and I'm avoiding people I know I care about. The only highlight I recall this week was a large paycheck and getting to spend it on things that cheer me up: books.

Thinking of it now.. during this time I have improved as a person. Despite all that I have mentioned in the previous paragraph, I have been arriving to work on time and usually earlier, taking my breaks a few minutes late and shorter, working harder instead of the usual half-assing and finishing earlier, and some days leaving earlier. Yesterday I left five minutes early. There was no real reason to it, I just didn't want to be there. That's about $1.10 more I could have had, but don't care for. Ridiculous, isn't it?

And last night, after a few days of not touching Counter-Strike, I went to a clan server I spend a lot of time on and somehow everything made sense to me. I was aiming better, reacting faster, and overall being a more efficient terrorist, heh. My score was 20/9, I was leading the team score and the Counter-Terrorist score. My mind was boggled. One moment I recall, the bomber was camping by a doorway and was saying something in their mic -- which I usually don't listen to. When I realized they were talking to me, they had already given up and began to make fun of me for not listening. Whatever, I thought, and so I escort them to the bomb site for they seemed to have trouble making it there under no-fire. That's when I see a CT camping behind a corner, and I hear a warning of his position in the mic. My first reaction? Well, shoot him. I killed him and the bomber stopped and said, "Oh, well ok." and then proceeded to plant the bomb. They didn't make fun of me anymore after that, pfft. When I asked my boyfriend to join the server he reminded me that the clan had banned him, and so I left. He was banned for putting his mouse sensitivity really high and was spinning around in circles firing at the ceiling -- dieing in the process because he had no aim. That apparently was classified as hacking, for only hackers can move that fast. Stupidasses.

You know what? I am cynical.
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