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lynds4090 (profile) wrote,
on 4-22-2005 at 11:10pm
Current mood: frustrated
Subject: why
do you ever feel like you just want to leave. leave forever and never come back. you just want to start a new life. you know now what to do and what not to do. you know who to be firends with.
i do too much. why do i feel like i can handel it? i can't. i will eventually break down like tonight.
this is all i do...
-school
-voice
-job
-track
-RF court-
-student senate-
not to mention all the other stuff like planning for college, dreading the month of June, and dealing w/ my family.
all i want is my grandma in her house. i will never see her waving by her window agian. i knew i would miss. the last few years as we were pulling away i would think about how i take it for granted... even though i still did. i can close my eyes and see her standing there... blowing me kisses. danceing.... being my grandma. now she is in a nursing home. i should be grateful and i am... just not to the extent that i should be. i can always go back to my grandma's house and i will always know it will be there but... my grandma won't. she won't be there to greet you at the door.
i miss you.
i hate damn michigan. my parents arn't letting me go to whitehalll tomorrow b/c of the bad weather. i just ahhhhhhhh! why on April 23 should we be getting 6 inches of snow? i am seriously so angry. do you wanna know how i got through the last 2 weeks? i've been just dreaming bout how tomorrow was goign to be.
i just need summer. i do so much right now i just wanna call work and be like i can't do this anymore. i wanna stop track. i wanna skim by in school. stop w/ everything. just put everything on a hault. i can't handel it right now.
.... do i want summer to come? is that realy what i want or do i just see that as a possible way out? idk.... thats a thought. just a thought.
well i gotta go to bed.. but not reallly... because i have no plans.
why am i dual enrolling next year? i just thought of this. i'm claiming that i'm so busy but really i'm just racking it up even more.

i'm a loser. i need to stop. i must stop.

I need to go to bed. night.

lindsey


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